House Calls: Homophobia

Internal Monologue
I'm really glad that we went out to this new restaurant. I was getting sick of that old place. I need a change in scenery, and I haven't done anything trendy in years. What do you think of our waiter? He seems nice. And fun, too. And a snappy dresser to boot! Man, this guy seems to have it all... you don't think he's... you know... right? RIGHT? OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOHMHGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Causes
Homophobia in today's society has a definition that does not fit its Latin roots. When we call people homophobic, it is usually due to a deep rooted hate of homosexuals, stemming from a Catholic upbringing or living in the South. However, a phobia describes a fear, not a hate. Just as genetics or traumatizing experiences provide you with fears of spiders and close spaces, a commonly overlooked fear is the fear of gay men and women. While people can be more genetically predisposed to it than others, it can happen to anyone depending on your upbringing. One of the most famous case studies come from a girl who witnessed her father and mother killed by a man in pink short-shorts. Not only does this fear make it impossible to blend in today's open-minded and ideal society, but reinforces ugly short-short stereotypes. Like any other fear, it is completely irrational and will usually make you look foolish in front of people family, friends, and other people trying to eating at the very nice restaurant, you ignorant fuck.

Symptoms
The series of events that causes these symptoms are quite complicated to explain, but if you realize someone is attracted to members of the same sex, do you assume the fetal position and start yelling? If so, you most likely suffer from homophobia. Other behaviors in response to observed homosexuality is running away, hyper-ventilation, and jumping on a chair and going "eeeeeeek" a great deal.

Treatments
Like any phobia, psychologists can help a great deal in setting straight your fear of the non-straight. Like fears of spiders or heights, the fear does not set in until you notice said spider or said height. You could be fine if you had blinders on to the personal life of others, but human nature is to pry, even if it is detrimental to our own well being. You can also try going on Maury. He has those episodes where people are forced to face their fears in front of an audience, and it's usually pretty funny. I don't know if it actually helps but, man, that shit is pretty funny. YouTube it.