How do I pass time at the airport?

Leon and I were originally going to take a trip to the Galapagos Islands for the purpose of traveling the same path Darwin did as he wrote The Origin of Species so we could prove that fucker wrong once and for all, but the plans fell through. Leon told me “his people” could hook us up with plane tickets free of charge, so I left the responsibility in his hands. Little did I know that Leon had been stealing medicinal marijuana from a mutual acquaintance of ours that has glaucoma and that “his people” consisted of virtual versions of Joyce Carol Oates and John Grisham that he created in The Sims. Since he had spent this last week baked out of his mind, he was convinced that not only that his Sims were real, but he could use their immense wealth (which was attained through cheat codes, something I do not approve of) to get our plane tickets.

I have every right to be angry, but I am honestly a little thankful that we can continue writing guides for the everyday without distraction.

After all, there will always be more chances to undo Darwin’s accomplishments. In fact, just last week we firebombed the home of his closest living relative. Granted, that doesn’t hurt the integrity of Darwin’s work, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t feel awesome.

Long story short, Leon and I spent two consecutive days at a terminal in the airport waiting for the not real version of Joyce Carol Oates to give us the hookup.

For everyone who has ever been faced with delays at the airport, here are some games we played that will help you pass the time:

John Grisham Charades
This game is played like regular charades, but the only difference is that you only act out the works of John Grisham. This game had potential to be fun, but quickly became frusturating because Leon was under the impression that John Grisham was responsible for The Call of Cthulu, The Diary of Anne Frank, The Canterbury Tales, Back To The Future Parts I & III, and The Cosby Show. Leon also thought John Grisham was the black cook in Pearl Harbor. I did not have the heart to tell him that Cuban Gooding Jr. and John Grisham are not the same person,

After playing this game for the better part of four hours, I came to the conclusion that Leon was under the influence of marijuana. Two things tipped me off: 1.) he reeked of weed and 2.) he was constantly holding a huge blunt.

Luggage Jenga
Not only is this game just fun, it’s a great ice breaker for talking to people in the terminal. You simply wait for someone to fall asleep or become otherwise distracted and you take their luggage and stack yours on top of it. You then make them pull their luggage out while everyone else chants “Jenga! Jenga! Jenga!” at increasingly louder volumes. The game ends when someone knocks over the luggage or if a security guard comes by and calls you a faggot. Rarely has the game ended in the former manner, and more often than not in the latter.

Collect The Urinal Cakes
I noticed that the bathrooms at the airport contained urinal cakes and I saw this as potential entertainment. This game is played over the course of an hour. The rules are simple:

1. At the end of the hour, you receive one point for each urinal cake you possess.
2. You do not receive points for things that are not urinal cakes.

Whoever has more points at the end of the hour must declare himself “The King of Urinal Cakes” in a loud, bellowing voice. That person than wins the game unless that hateful security guard calls you a faggot. In which case, the game ends with no winner.