Haunted History: The Little Rascals Curse

It is common knowledge that child actors have had the most fruitful, successful lives. Beaver of "Leave it to Beaver" fame lived on a giant mountain of money and naked women, and owned half of India before he died while bravely fighting in Vietnam from overdose. Shirley Temple has been largely successful in her post-childhood career, and is now the number one hostess of high-class crystal meth parties found in most homeless shelters. Even the kid from Jerry McGuire earned his life of privilege and has since amassed a fortune, alternating through experiments and pimping. The Little Rascals were not so fortunate. Instead, each of the little rapscallions has met a most unfortunate death, as the Hollywood fate machine chewed them up like a bunch of beef jerky soaked in a fine red wine. In no specific order, here are the destinies that Little Rascal actors found after living life in the fast lane.

Alfalfa
In a drug deal gone astray, he died at age 29 accidentally from a mishandled switchblade which he meant to stab into other people!

Chubby
Chubby's incredibly overweight body was due to a glandular problem he had at birth. He died at his home from pneumonia, because when he use to lay around at home and watch TV all day, he would actually lay AROUND THE HOME and watch TV all day! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

Buckwheat
Died of R.Y.N.N.U.I.S.P.D.W.B. (Running Through a Neighborhood Naked Under the Influence of Several Powerful Drugs While Black!)

Darla Hood
She once got her car broken into. It was really scary, but they only took road maps for some reason. Either way, you have to admit it is unsettling!

Brisban
Started his own karate dojo in the suburbs of New York, but when it came time for a demonstration for new students and their ever-so-hot mothers, he could never break both planks of wood with a single chop!

Froggy
Wanted to swim with sharks once, but he had a condition that made his heart explode upon thinking that!

Mickey Daniels
Cooties!

Stymie
Lives a relatively normal life... but his son has downs syndrome!

Scott Beckett
Became a carnie, but only with moderate success!

Wheezer
Found with a tranny and suitcase of blow at a child's birthday party he was entertaining.

Pete the Pup
Tried to run for president, assassinated

Spanky
The only one to escape the clutches of Little Rascals fate, Robert Blake went on to star in Hell Town, where he was a small town preacher with you teachers morality through the works of apositles Smith and Wesson. Nothing bad has ever happened to him.

Haunted History: Oakbrook Mall

Located west of Chicago, near Route 83, Oakbrook mall is home to a plethora of expensive clothing stores, a Pottery Barn, and a Sharper Image to name a few highlights. In fact, Oakbrook is such a hotspot for fashion in the West suburbs, it is often referred to as “the Mecca of metro” on the streets.

During the day, Oakbrook Mall is an aesthetically pleasing shopping center populated primarily by upper middle people. By night however, Oakbrook Mall is an aesthetically pleasing shopping center populated primarily by upper middle-class ghosts.

Did you know... that the compass rose in the Northwestern part of the mall is the most haunted compass rose in the USA?

The following legends have accumulated over the years:

Parking Lot Pretty Boys
On August 15th, 1999, a pair of well-dressed males died in a car crash right outside the Northern-parking center. Since the incident, local authorities have been called in to investigate reports of two men wandering the lot after midnight. Sources state that the two figures were dressed in charred, although slimming button-downs. Authorities have not been able to confirm or deny such presences but have noted a distinct, ghostly smell of hair gel in the suspected area. Legend has it, the two men’s souls will be put to rest if they are given a pair of jeans that retailed for roughly half of what they would have paid.


Kid That Died In The Pottery Barn But Really Didn’t
Urban legend has it that a negligent mother, in an attempt to better juggle wicker products and large scented candles, placed her son in a large ceramics container in a Pottery Barn so she could better carry her items. The kid ended up being fine because bad things don’t happen to white children, but some say if you listen carefully you can still hear him whining.

Did you know... if this was the baby in the incident, things would have turned out differently?

The Mac Sales Rep That Died On His Shift Or Something
Ancient Hebrew texts suggest that an unnamed Mac store employee suffered a heart attack while helping a costumer. No one ran to his aid because the new iMac came out that week and everyone was staring at the eye candy. Clearly upset with his demise, The Mac Guy roams the Apple store during normal business hours whispering false information about external hard drives to any human foolish enough to listen.