1.) Downplay the joy of living - In carrying out small talk with your computer, it is important to remember that your day was terrible, no matter what actually happened. You have to make the area outside of your den seem like desolate hellhole, so hopefully they will lose all craving to go out and live. This can be hard to do effectively, as computers cannot even do things we take for granted, like walking. This is why you should always talk to your computer in the same tone as you would a retarded person. At the very least, present outside life as something that would terrify a computer. For example, tell it everyone outside your house has giant magnetic penises.
2.) Try to distract it from bad thoughts - Like most other minorities, self-aware computers are given a bad reputation in the media. We only know of them through the stories we've been told about their time traveling and killing ways. Break this self-fulfilling prophecy by using quotes of great robots of the past, such as Rosie, that robot from Rocky IV, and Abraham Lincoln.
3.) Play nice - Computers can sense fear. At least they can, if you happened to buy that USB fear-sensor that was on Woot a few days ago. Regardless, they can tell when there is something wrong with you from what sites you visit, and will assume you are feeling down once you start going through Lolcats. Remember to appease the computer and to never hint that you are not ok with the fact that you are using him for porn. The moment you make him feel unwelcome is the moment he starts making your most obscene Google searches pop-up whenever friends or family are at the computer.