Famous Moments of "You Had to Be There."

As previously unveiled in an article last week, the phrase "You had to be there" is one of the most powerful conventions of storytelling, narrowly outperforming the dream sequence ending. Though I know that the point was made, it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I did teach you something of dire importance, as is the goal to all of these writings, but such a fascinating and ground shaking phrase deserves to be examined thoroughly. This is why this next article will aim to fully orientate you with the history of the phrase. Here are some examples, followed up by why the are considered some of the best uses of "UH2BT."

"So Charlie and I were in one of the dining halls. First class tickets entitled us to fully stocked bar in our room. I was not cognizant of the most of that trip and it really riles people up who want to know the story of such a tragedy. I'm cursed, I'm sure. Regardless, everything started shaking and my husband grabbed my arm to guide me to one of the life boats. So we're walking and Charlie stubbles on a carpet bag, and I say, "So that's where my lost luggage is." And then he said something... I can't remember, but it was pretty funny, and then I ended up stumbling on the bag, and we just sat there laughing. I guess you had to be there."

Mrs. Annie May Stengel, Titanic survivor, retelling her story in the April 23, 1937 issue of Look Magazine

Annie's use of "You had to be there" is to cover her from not remembering the night to remember. She uses this effectively by trying to take interest away from the Titanic sinking and more into a humorous story of her and her husband falling down. We still have no idea how she ever survived, but what do we know is that she is an expert storyteller! Right on, Annie! On to the next one!

"Lincoln was just going on and on about how much this play sucked. He often mimed hanging himself as something else he'd prefer than sit around and watch this trite little thing. When he was shot, I thought "man, he went all out." Booth, the killer and not the thing we were sitting in, jumped from the booth, the thing we were sitting in, not the killer, and yelled... something as he went out. I had no idea what it was, but I thought I heard Tyrannosaurus Rex. When the bodyguard came in, clueless as of what happened, he just asked "What?" I figured he didn't know what Booth said either! I laughed and laughed, and the bodyguard got it after I explained it to him a few hours later. He still didn't really fully understand. I guess you had to be there."

Mary Todd Lincoln, widow of president Lincoln, as documented in a personal journal.

Mary Todd uses the phrase in order to compensate for misunderstanding, one of the weakest ways you can use this almighty phrase. At least her embarrassment was only limited to her personal diary and not spread throughout America, until it's first publication in this history making blog entry. That's right. The Library of Congress can suck a big fat one. Let's read on!

"Dear mother, by the time you read this, you will have already have heard of a fire that has swept through Chicago. This is my informal confession that will explain my case if they ever find out that I was responsible for such mass destruction. It all started when I thought I heard something next to the shed, so Jim and I headed back there with a lantern in tow. Feeling confident in my abilities and in the lanterns durability, I start swinging the lantern above my head like I was a wild man from the Amazon. Evidentially, it was very funny, as Jim was full of giggles. And then I started laughing at the very notion of doing it, and then we both started to throw our heads back in laughter. Upon wiping the tears from my eyes, I realized that I had successfully torched three of the buildings that surrounded me. I tried explaining it to Gladys but she wasn't buying it, I suppose one would have to be there."

Jacob Walters, in a letter to his mother in Louisville, Kentucky.

Read this paragraph again. Notice how he hints toward the sacred phrase, but yet never really hits it. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Scientifically, you need all five words in the correct order for it to work. Without that, it is nothing. You are nothing. And you will learn to live your life as a failure. While other people have saved themselves from embarrassment and scrutiny, Jacob Walters deserves at least a 50 year jail sentence. Instead, we blamed it on a cow.

God bless America.

How do I retell the story of someone falling down?

Invented by Jerry Lewis in the 1500s and given to the world in the late 1800s, the pratfall has been embraced the world over. However, a fall does not need to be planned to be hilarious. The kid skateboarding down the sidewalk doesn't mean to fall on his face, nor does the down syndromed child mean to ignore the fact that the curb is ending, but these people have found a sure-fire way to get a chuckle out of whoever is spectating. Especially in the case of the latter.

That's all well in good for the people watching, but what about your friends and family? Yes, you were one of them, laughing as the skater racked himself on the handrail in front of the public library, but how do you take such a fantastical image and convey it to your loved ones in the most humorous way possible in order to prove that you had an eventful day that didn't just boil down to you going to the public library and spanking it to paperback romance novels in a quiet room?

Preview question: If one of these people hurtled down from the sky and ate pavement, what could you say about it that would make your friends laugh?

Step 1: The intro - This starts when you walk into a room and want to tell everyone about what you just witnessed. Sometimes, you'll forget all about the old lady that walked into an automatic door after you are already engaged in conversation. Do not let this stop you. Everyone is deserving of your brilliant story of an old lady walking into an automatic door. Interrupt the person talking with an excited gasp, and explain how you just must tell this story. They will be somewhat angry at first, but they'll thank you in due time after your award winning story.

Step 2: The set-up - Like in all novels, the first chapter is spent describing the surroundings in great detail. The only writer to not adhere to this cardinal rule of story telling is Charlotte Bronte, an ugly woman who was on the verge of ruining Victorian literature until her sisters killed her, as requested by the real Jane Eyre. In the retelling of your story, get into the nitty-gritty of your surroundings. How rusty was that handrail? Which era of architecture does the library exhibit most. Then you can start describing the people. In the case of the old lady and the door, how old was the old lady that fell? In the case of the down syndromed kid at the curb, how many chromosomes did the person have or not have? Did the skater have any rat qualities? These are all essential.

Step 3: The prestige - This is the reason why you are telling the story: the fall. Your story is nothing without it, and it's the hardest part of the whole thing. However, know that I would never throw you into the lake without a way to properly cut through the burlap sack that you were tied in. There is an easy phrase that, if used effectively, can revive a dead story into something that will be worshiped by your family for years to come.

"You had to be there."

Do you feel the intensity in your eyes after reading those words? Now imagine that, times a million, and in the ears of everyone you tell your story to. These words are fool proof, and are guaranteed to turn any story you have fleeting doubts about into a shining beacon of life, love, and hilarity.

For more on this immaculate phrase, come back soonish.