What are some ways I can avoid sitting through readings of homo-erotic Hebrew poetry?

I will be the first to admit the query seems esoteric, but let me inform you that I, Mr. Jones, have recently paid six bucks to sit through a subject matter that put me out of element at a venue that will remain nameless. In case you were wondering, the venue was neither gay nor Jewish in nature. If the reading was held at a place called "Oi Vay!: Prose and Penises," then yes, I would be the first to admit I was asking for it, but this was not the case.

My confusion was to be expected. I assumed a congregation of this many Jewish males meant that comedy was on the menu. I was wrong. So terribly wrong.

After two readings about homo-erotic Hebrew drinking songs, I realized it was my duty to protect unwary travelers from my terrible fate.

• When buying the tickets to a reading, ask the guy selling the tickets if the event is gay. If you feel this is too blunt, phrase the question eloquently. Like "On a scale from from queer to graphic anal pounding where does this reading fall?" or "If I was Hitler, would I like this?"
  
• Take a look at the people coming to this event. Do you think they can explain in great detail the difference between mauve and maroon if you asked them? If so, leave.
• Don't fucking go blindly to a reading.