Eating Funnel Cakes - They are delicious, but with great tastiness comes great responsibility. If you love America, then you no doubt had your's slathered with powdered sugar, and there is nothing wrong with that. You just have to remember German author KAFKA.
Keep All Fingers Klean and Auspicious
Learn from Kafka... Live a good, moral life and never be messy with your funnel cakesThere is nothing worse than licking powdered sugar off your hands at a place that is known to house 37 different types of airborne disease at any time. Use a fork or any utensil you can fashion out of your surroundings. Or you can just go at it face first. This might seem like more of a fopah, but you can easily play the powder off as if you are a Kabuki performer, or Courtney Love.
Don't be ugly - Yes, it can be a lot to ask of certain people, but this must be held in order to keep the great integrity of the carnival/fair. Carnivals have freakshows, and you do not want to appear as a threat to them in the instance that you might actually upstage them. The same goes to fairs and their pot-belly pig contests.
Fopahs can be avoided by trying to do something nice with your hair, or just staying in the car... And your hair isn't looking too good at all...
Throwing up - In the fantastical world that carnivals and fairs create, we somehow learn to cherish the people who just can't handle going in circles at fast speeds, but won't let that stop them from trying to have a good time. A recent Gallup poll shows that a standard carnival or fair will have 20 people throw up in a single night* and it has become a staple in America's culture that someone will spew chunks soon after becoming unharnessed and walking on solid ground.
Fun fact... As with all things in life, if Sandlot does it, it's A-OK. This ranges from vomiting at carnivals to making out with the lifeguard.How can you create a fopah if society as accepted that you might throw up? It all depends on timing. Do not throw up during the ride at any time. In a tilt-a-whirl, your half-digested deep-fried Twinkie can and will do heavy damage to the unsuspecting 11 year old who's six people down from you. By throwing up in any variation of the infamous teacup ride, your friends will learn to hate you forever. Remember to keep swallowing back down until you touch the ground, which has been my own mantra for many tough times.
Do not taunt the carnies - Carnies, though it seem like they have it coming, are just like you and I. Despite their long claws for burrowing and their hardened skin that lets them function in temperatures of over five thousand degrees, carnies enjoy the finer things in life like we do.
Do not resort to the stereotype that all carnies work at carnivals. A brief history: After the world failed to adopt an exchange rate to their currency of various sedimentary rocks, Pioneer and Carnie Talmuk Festerborough decided to start a tour, called "Travisletis," with the other disenfranchised carnies who sought a better life above the ground. They toured with performances, makeshift rides, and various games of chance in order to make acceptable currency, but the world didn't care much about the entertainment they had planned. Rather, people flocked to the Travisletis to stare and mock the carnies freakish appearance. This misunderstanding is how Travisletis received the hateful name "Carnival."
If you really wanted to impress a Carnie, refer to the carnival you're at as a Travisletis. You will undoubtedly see a smile slowly grow across his face, and possibly a single tear roll down his cheek as he looks down at the ground and feels like he lives in a world today that his ancestor never thought was possible. More importantly, he'll probably give you a free ride on the bumper cars.
*This average is slightly skewed by one carnival which was a spirit building event for a local chapter of Bulimics Anonymous
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