As far as places that use boomerangs as currency go, Australia ain’t so bad. Except that you could die there. Which is why I recommend staying away. Not enough reason? Try this shit on for size. Just try and think about your friends and loved ones endlessly weeping because any of the following became a reality:
A bunch of fire ants could totally eat your ass.
The Australian state of Queensland has actually set up a Fire Ant Eradication Program (FAEP) because these suckers have a nasty habit of turning sleeping pregnant women into living fire ant colonies by laying eggs in the woman’s eyes and brain. Is that shit weird or what? Don’t go to Australia.
A Jellyfish could totally string your ass and cause your heart to stop.
The box jellyfish has a sting so powerful that it literally can stop your heart. Box jellyfish are also called sea wasps because they have been known to fly out of the water and paralyze little kids with their toxin and drag them back underwater to their sea hive. Sea wasps do not eat human children, but they do enjoy collecting them.
Your ass could get violently flung out of a windshield in a horrific car accident.
Look, you can get in a car accident anywhere. I realize this. However, you’re far more likely to be the victim of a fatal accident when driving in Australia because everyone is driving extremely fast and with reckless abandon because they’re trying to get away from all the fire ants and sea wasps.
You unsuspecting ass could fall off something really high.
What if a guy that said he was Crocodile Dundee said he wanted to show you something and you obliged and instead of actually showing you something he just kidnapped you and threw you off a cliff? These are the questions you must ask.
Someone could totally murder your ass.
Let’s say you’re on vacation and you want to pick up some souveneries for a friend. Imagine this: as you walk to the store a man brutally stabs you, leaving you to slowly bleed out under the harsh Australian sun. Even if you were driving to the store, somebody could just hide in your rental car and stab you at the base of your skull with an icepick like the Jewish guy from Goodfellas.
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