As of 2007, there are 730 streets named after the Great Civil-rights-apator, not to be confused with the Great Civil Rights raptor, who organized a march towards Washington D.C. which end with 48 dead and 65 half-eaten. Mr. Jones and I love a good challenge, and will physically love anything when inebriated, so the idea of a drunken tour of Martin Luther King streets, avenues, stravenues, boulevards, courts, canals, crossings, junctions, places, passages, turnpikes and parkways tickles our fancy in many o' ways.
The drive was suppose to take us 12 days, so forgive us for our absence. We were gonna originally stretch out the stories of this trip from next week and through all of Black History month, but the trip only lasted two days on the road, and 4 days in recovery spent in the Survival Guide office.
Here are some things of note in the streets we did manage to hit.
Lacrosse, Wisconsin - Martin Luther King Jr. Dr.
The street is as avant garde as it's name. The city planners believed that the title of Dr. was unimportant compared to the name of the "Civil rights leader of the colorguard." Actually on the street, it was in a predominately white, touristy neighborhood with a restaurant where you could make your own pizza! We got kicked out after pre-gaming and rubbing our dicks on the dough.
Chicago, Illinois - Martin Luther King Blvd.
Chicago was the first city to establish a street named after the singer of "95 thesis and the bitch ain't one" and also the first city to establish they are not racist
Note by Mr. Jones : Leon Firestone does not realize that there is a difference between Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr. He believes that one man was responsible for advances in civil rights and the formation of the Lutheran faith several centuries and continents separate from each other. He also believes both of them are Jay-Z, a rapper he has never listened to.
Another Mr. Jones edit: I framed this picture for him. It sits on his desk all day. I made a frame for him with a button that plays the "I have a dream" speech. He is so fucked up.
Cranston, Indiana - Martin Luther King Parkway
I never knew how scary Indiana was until that day.
Detroit, Michigan - Martin Luther King Blvd
I feel more out of place with every Martin Luther King street we drive to. I figured we would just roll down the windows while blasting some Martin Luther King, as to seem like we are one of them (not racist, just nervous) and I think they thought we were mocking them, so I went to showed them my Lutheran cross that I kept in my sock and that caused so many more problems. Also, as any crawl, we were incredibly drunk and did not realize the gravity of this situation. Mr. Jones was shot 3 times. It was expected, as the bullet is the main export of Detroit.
Cincinnati, Ohio - Martin Luther King Parkway
Mr. Jones does not look well, but he's a good sport. I've just been feeding him ecstasy. The street is nice, but I'm kinda bored with everything. I really wanted to discover something about civil rights or religion or the Black Album, but instead we're just in an unmarked rental van filled with blood, booze, and E. I guess we'll just finish the rest back at the office.
Mr. Jones ended up recovering from a total of 4 bullet wounds. The last one was an accident, but he had it coming. The next few days were spent in office, as Jones nursed his wounds and I made fun of him on joke-sauce (Bourbon.) I like to think we proved something, but all we did was show the world how to celebrate the life and times of Martin Luther King.
Here are some things of note in the streets we did manage to hit.
Lacrosse, Wisconsin - Martin Luther King Jr. Dr.
The street is as avant garde as it's name. The city planners believed that the title of Dr. was unimportant compared to the name of the "Civil rights leader of the colorguard." Actually on the street, it was in a predominately white, touristy neighborhood with a restaurant where you could make your own pizza! We got kicked out after pre-gaming and rubbing our dicks on the dough.
Chicago, Illinois - Martin Luther King Blvd.
Chicago was the first city to establish a street named after the singer of "95 thesis and the bitch ain't one" and also the first city to establish they are not racist
Note by Mr. Jones : Leon Firestone does not realize that there is a difference between Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr. He believes that one man was responsible for advances in civil rights and the formation of the Lutheran faith several centuries and continents separate from each other. He also believes both of them are Jay-Z, a rapper he has never listened to.
Another Mr. Jones edit: I framed this picture for him. It sits on his desk all day. I made a frame for him with a button that plays the "I have a dream" speech. He is so fucked up.I never knew how scary Indiana was until that day.
Detroit, Michigan - Martin Luther King Blvd
I feel more out of place with every Martin Luther King street we drive to. I figured we would just roll down the windows while blasting some Martin Luther King, as to seem like we are one of them (not racist, just nervous) and I think they thought we were mocking them, so I went to showed them my Lutheran cross that I kept in my sock and that caused so many more problems. Also, as any crawl, we were incredibly drunk and did not realize the gravity of this situation. Mr. Jones was shot 3 times. It was expected, as the bullet is the main export of Detroit.
Cincinnati, Ohio - Martin Luther King Parkway
Mr. Jones does not look well, but he's a good sport. I've just been feeding him ecstasy. The street is nice, but I'm kinda bored with everything. I really wanted to discover something about civil rights or religion or the Black Album, but instead we're just in an unmarked rental van filled with blood, booze, and E. I guess we'll just finish the rest back at the office.
Mr. Jones ended up recovering from a total of 4 bullet wounds. The last one was an accident, but he had it coming. The next few days were spent in office, as Jones nursed his wounds and I made fun of him on joke-sauce (Bourbon.) I like to think we proved something, but all we did was show the world how to celebrate the life and times of Martin Luther King.
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