How do I write an accessible Top 10 list?

The Top 10 list is one of the most important staples in internet entertainment today, or "intertainment," or "netment," or "tent." Ever since the number 10 was invented by David Letterman during the turn of the century, people have been using this fine two-digit number to quantify things that were more than nine, but not "11" big. We have come to identify 10 as a strong, round number and have honored it in our society by naming 10 things linked together by an arbitrary but hopefully entertaining theme.

Did you know... that before 10, rulers were fucked?

Alright, so now that you are well-versed in the history, now it's time to actually learn how to make a compelling top 10 list, which will be taught by using a top 10 list (Meta!).

Write in nuggets
Much like a staple in a formerly-sizable stomach, writing in short does a great job at hiding embarrassing flaws in writing and journalism. This way, your lingual holocaust seems more like a series of unrelated church burnings.

Include Pictures
Pictures are a perfect way of appealing to the readers who are insecure in their abilities to read an entire online article of just plain text. Even if they do not apply to your article, tie pictures in by writing an unique simile right before you plug in your picture. People will think you're funnier than a monkey with a knife!

Do you realize...just how wacky this is!?

Don't use numbers unless...
A rookie mistake when making lists for "tent" is that the writer will sometimes write a number to correspond with that specific item. While this might make sense, it must only be used when what you are dealing with is a countdown to the hottest/coolest/awesomest/totally-awesomest celebrity/gadgets/games/flesh-lights. However, if you are just starting to write lists...

Never do countdowns
No matter what you say, you will offend people with your number one. Moreover, you'll not only offend people if number one is a curveball, but it's the equivalent of smashing their 5th grade science fair diarama in front of them just seconds before Mrs. Channing was gonna grade it. Bad writing can be kind of a prick. Do it if you have balls, but stay away from it if you spent all night making that valcanoe and it looks really cool.

Example: Your top 3 of the best alternative-rock albums of all time goes

3. Nirvana - Nevermind
2. The Presidents of the United States of America - self-titled
1. Rush - Moving Pictures

As a reader, you can tell something is wrong. You cannot help but ball up your pudgy fist in anger as yet another dumbass blogger has failed at "Tent" by not including No Jacket Required by Phil Collins. Since NJR is considered in many social circles as the birth of 90s alt, one has to wonder if the author forgot about it or just lives in an alternate timeline where Phil Collins wasn't one of the best Goddamn presidents that this country has ever seen.

Know your audience
Everyone uses the internet, but true "tent" fans like movies, video games, and boobs. Use this to make such dynamite lists such as "Naked actresses who should dress up as video game girls" and "famous boobs from movies where a kid plays an arcade cabinet in the background."

Were you even fucking aware... that Titanic is the highest grossing advertisement for 80's arcade games?

Don't overstay your welcome
If you want to end your list, just end it. Don't even look back to change numbers, as you can tell commenters that they miscounted entries. Then again, you shouldn't have to answer to them. They, in essence, are your bitches.

Make money
Did I say bitches? I meant they are great, fun-loving people of excellent taste who should click on our AdSense.

Spreading the word
Since the aforementioned bitches are your main source of income, you will no doubt get more revenue and "hits" if they tell their friends and family about your fantastic list about game boobs. Since friend is a loose term in the digital age, make sure to encourage that your friends whore out your list to Digg, Reddit, Fark, Delicious, Technorati, Bang Bros, and StumbleUpon. Get all of your friends to vote for your list, because if they didn't, all those other people wouldn't have thought to digg it. You are such a trailblazer!

Even though that didn't have much to do with actually writing the list, do you have any idea how hard it is to write 10 ideas about one topic? Fuck Letterman. I'm going back to rounding up to 11 for my AdultFriendFinder "measurements" anyway. I hope he suffers more than nine heart attacks.

How do I determine what learning style is best for me?

In 1983, Harvard professor Howard Gardner developed a theory called learning styles. By using a learning style that appeals to your strengths, you learn better and faster. Obviously, this would be a great help whenever you are studying for tests and/or doing homework. There are eight learning styles that are essential to the learning process. Here are some of them:

Visual/Spatial - You like to look at things. All kinds of things. Just by eying your environments, you gain a very useful knowledge in whatever subject you are studying. Use your love of leering in order to answer complex math equations or answer essay questions. For example, in the instance that "X + 5 = 4", "X = -1" AND/OR "X = Homeless Man(shopping cart filled with tin cans)".

Did you know... that an accurate description of this picture will net you at least a B on any lab report?

Musical/Rhythm - Attention musicians: Did you know you can learn anything by playing an instrument? By simply playing music on an enchanted instrument, you can summon great powers to do your bidding. I'm sure one of these powers will help with tests or something.

Intrapersonal - By harnessing the power of a twin you absorbed while you were still in the womb, you too can learn more efficiently. This little guy is your inside-man in sneaking in answers on test day. By giving him a list of notes, and asking him to read them off with his underdeveloped lungs, you are on the highway to good grades.

Monkey Stance - By harnessing your debilitating ADHD, you can switch off between subjects and learn double the course work in half the time. Also, being very acrobatic helps when impressing ladies.

Did you know... that someone in monkey stance can, and will, fuck you up?

Logic/Math - Do you like math? Then you'll love using math to learn English!

Body/Kinesthetic - The sooner you realize that the only redeeming quality about yourself is your body, the sooner you will be utilizing this gem. By simply whoring yourself out to smarter kids, you can hope that some of their knowledge and wisdom is transfered to you via banging.

Shaolin Martial Arts is confusing! There are so many different fighting stances, but what do they all mean?

Across the nation, Shaolin Martial Arts is becoming more widely available for students to study during high school. Coincidentally, many colleges are now allowing course study in Shaolin Martial Arts to satisfy a foreign language requirement, effectively making the languages of French, German, and Spanish useless.

Nonetheless, college bound students with aspirations to get some ass kicking done along the way may find themselves overwhelmed with the complexity of the subject matter at hand. Luckily I have compiled a brief study guide for three of the more popular fighting stances that take on the aspects of various animals:

Monkey
The aspect of the monkey involves using quickness and agility to demolish your opponents. A variety of high risk flips and cartwheels are very regularly employed, and as a result, practitioners of the monkey style are always talented acrobatics. They also are chronic suffers from ADHD. The best way to counter the monkey style is to force feed the practitioners near fatal doses of Ritalin, often coupled with horse tranquilizers.

The world was a cruel, cruel place before Ritalin.

Lion
In the wild, the female lions do all the hunting. To utilize this stance effectively, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart while yelling at a woman to solve your conflict for you. This is arguably the oldest martial arts style known to man.

An example of a flawless execution of the Lion stance.

Sea Turtle
Much like the sea turtle’s protective shell, the stance of the sea turtle is defensive in nature. The mindset behind the stance is that you use your superior defensive capabilities to wear your opponent down, and when the opportunity arises, you lay a clutch of eggs on the beach. When the eggs hatch, the baby turtles will begin their treacherous hike towards the open ocean as they are eaten in droves by seagulls and crabs. This stance originated when a nameless traveling monk decided nature documentaries about turtles weren’t epic enough.

Word of warning: effective use of the sea turtle stance can only stop three tanks. Not four.