How do I write an accessible Top 10 list?

The Top 10 list is one of the most important staples in internet entertainment today, or "intertainment," or "netment," or "tent." Ever since the number 10 was invented by David Letterman during the turn of the century, people have been using this fine two-digit number to quantify things that were more than nine, but not "11" big. We have come to identify 10 as a strong, round number and have honored it in our society by naming 10 things linked together by an arbitrary but hopefully entertaining theme.

Did you know... that before 10, rulers were fucked?

Alright, so now that you are well-versed in the history, now it's time to actually learn how to make a compelling top 10 list, which will be taught by using a top 10 list (Meta!).

Write in nuggets
Much like a staple in a formerly-sizable stomach, writing in short does a great job at hiding embarrassing flaws in writing and journalism. This way, your lingual holocaust seems more like a series of unrelated church burnings.

Include Pictures
Pictures are a perfect way of appealing to the readers who are insecure in their abilities to read an entire online article of just plain text. Even if they do not apply to your article, tie pictures in by writing an unique simile right before you plug in your picture. People will think you're funnier than a monkey with a knife!

Do you realize...just how wacky this is!?

Don't use numbers unless...
A rookie mistake when making lists for "tent" is that the writer will sometimes write a number to correspond with that specific item. While this might make sense, it must only be used when what you are dealing with is a countdown to the hottest/coolest/awesomest/totally-awesomest celebrity/gadgets/games/flesh-lights. However, if you are just starting to write lists...

Never do countdowns
No matter what you say, you will offend people with your number one. Moreover, you'll not only offend people if number one is a curveball, but it's the equivalent of smashing their 5th grade science fair diarama in front of them just seconds before Mrs. Channing was gonna grade it. Bad writing can be kind of a prick. Do it if you have balls, but stay away from it if you spent all night making that valcanoe and it looks really cool.

Example: Your top 3 of the best alternative-rock albums of all time goes

3. Nirvana - Nevermind
2. The Presidents of the United States of America - self-titled
1. Rush - Moving Pictures

As a reader, you can tell something is wrong. You cannot help but ball up your pudgy fist in anger as yet another dumbass blogger has failed at "Tent" by not including No Jacket Required by Phil Collins. Since NJR is considered in many social circles as the birth of 90s alt, one has to wonder if the author forgot about it or just lives in an alternate timeline where Phil Collins wasn't one of the best Goddamn presidents that this country has ever seen.

Know your audience
Everyone uses the internet, but true "tent" fans like movies, video games, and boobs. Use this to make such dynamite lists such as "Naked actresses who should dress up as video game girls" and "famous boobs from movies where a kid plays an arcade cabinet in the background."

Were you even fucking aware... that Titanic is the highest grossing advertisement for 80's arcade games?

Don't overstay your welcome
If you want to end your list, just end it. Don't even look back to change numbers, as you can tell commenters that they miscounted entries. Then again, you shouldn't have to answer to them. They, in essence, are your bitches.

Make money
Did I say bitches? I meant they are great, fun-loving people of excellent taste who should click on our AdSense.

Spreading the word
Since the aforementioned bitches are your main source of income, you will no doubt get more revenue and "hits" if they tell their friends and family about your fantastic list about game boobs. Since friend is a loose term in the digital age, make sure to encourage that your friends whore out your list to Digg, Reddit, Fark, Delicious, Technorati, Bang Bros, and StumbleUpon. Get all of your friends to vote for your list, because if they didn't, all those other people wouldn't have thought to digg it. You are such a trailblazer!

Even though that didn't have much to do with actually writing the list, do you have any idea how hard it is to write 10 ideas about one topic? Fuck Letterman. I'm going back to rounding up to 11 for my AdultFriendFinder "measurements" anyway. I hope he suffers more than nine heart attacks.