How do I make a gift card look like a respectable gift and not a lame-ass cop out?

The gift card is often referred to as the last resort in gift shopping. It is the option exhausted by distant family members who do not know what you want or the coordinators of raffles who feel that a third place prize of a $10 towards Kohl's should do it. However, there is a long lost artistry in gift card giving, which can salvage even the most thoughtless gift into something memorable.

Decide the amount
This is the hardest part of the gift card purchase. While you must make sure you are not going over budget, you must also put a monetary value on love you share with the receiver. 25 bucks should do it. 25 bucks always does it. Always.

Decide the store

This is the hardest part of the gift card purchase. Your recipient will expect to receive something from the store he always shops at. If they shop and Best Buy and you buy him a Best Buy gift card, you are only furthering their mundanity. Instead of something typical, get them a gift card to something they have never tried before! They will appreciate the spontaneity and definitely look into redeeming their card for the alternative clothes/discount lion safari shop you picked for them.

Encase it in gold
This is the hardest part of the gift card purchase. People love gold. No matter what it is encasing, they will be impressed. If you do not have the money for this expensive endeavor, ask someone for a gift card to a place that would do this. If they had any brains, they would take the hint and give you a gift card to the alternative clothes/discount lion safari shop.

Did you know... I received this as a Christmas gift from an Uncle I don't talk to? It was filled with a $25 gift card to Bath & Body Works.

Encase it in an animal
This is the hardest part of the gift card purchase. People love gold, but not as much as they love animals. However, both of these are different loves. One is for companionship, and one is for wealth. Marry these two loves by feeding an adorable, preferably living animal your gold encased gift card. I suggest something that is bigger than the gold card itself, as to avoid emotional scarring of onlooking children.

Encase it in a box made of gift cards
This is the hardest part of the gift card purchase. Using a whole lot of glue and tape, make a rudimentary gift box out of gift cards. This is very straight forward, as long as you've read the rest of this entry and realize all of these gift cards must be encased in gold, which then must be encased by a preferably living animal. All your hard work will be worth it when they come back from their alternative clothes/wild animal safari shop with a purchase that totaled no greater than $25.