How do I write an emotionally charged suicide note?

First off, before everyone gets on my case about giving tips on writing a quality suicide note instead of tips on stopping said suicide, let me be clear: you don’t actually have to commit suicide if you want to write a suicide note.

Let’s be honest here, the difference between an honest-to-God heart-wrenching final note to your loved ones and some poorly chosen last words (possibly even written on graph paper, for shame!) is the difference between the best prank ever and another lame April Fools’.

Last year, I planted a fake suicide note on my Leon Firestone’s desk as a gag. You should have seen the look on his face! He was in such awe of such a practical joke that Leon even tried to get me back with the same damn gag! I could not have been happier. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Edit by Leon Firestone: That note wasn’t fake. I was going to do it. I was going to fucking do it, you unfeeling prick.

Good times, good times.

Anyway, here was the note:

To Whom It May Concern (But definitely not Leon Firestone):

Ever since New Year’s I have been troubled. I was at a party and we were about a half hour into the New Year. At this point, I was pretty drunk but the fact of the matter is a drunken tongue speaks a sober mind. Anyway, I went up to Leon (who we established in the header of this letter that he does not care) and I said “I love working with you man,” and then I gave him a hug. But the thing is, he only like, half hugged me back. He just kind of put his shoulder into my chest. Granted, he did put his arms around me but there was no squeeze. You know where I’m coming from, right? It feels weird when you’re the only guy squeezing in a hug.

From that point on, I became incredibly depressed and I wrote this song:

Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody needs a second chance, oh
You want a piece of my heart
You better start from start
You wanna be in the show
Come on baby lets go

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

You want a piece of my heart
You better start from start
You wanna be in the show
Come on baby lets go

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Goodbye forever!

Someone could have stopped this (but not Leon, because he has a tiny heart and has no love to share),
Mr. Jones

It should be noted that the letter was written in blood (Ram’s blood; I’m not a freak) and placed in an envelop with “Suicide Note!” written on the front.

I think that about answers the question.