Back in October, Leon and I went on a bit of a Tesla coil kick. We dedicated an entire area of the guide office to Tesla coils. Although it probably started out with some sort of research intention, those suckers just look cool. Little did we realize that a machine that shoots lightning would consume copious amounts of electricity. As a result, our electric bill reached a new staggering high. Lacking funds because we had just spent all of our money on like 40 Tesla coils, we took the next responsible step towards making money to pay our high utility bill: we hijacked mail trucks and took stole amazon.com boxes. Then, the plan consisted of two parts. 1.) I would then open an Amazon store and sell the contents of the box while 2.) Leon would cram himself into the now empty box and he would be shipped to the original location. The former part of the plan eventually got us the necessary money. The latter part was just for funsies.
Here are some of the amazon.com reviews from those lucky people who got a man crammed into a box instead of whatever the hell the paid for:
[No stars] Was not a television,
By Fredrick Quinn (Peoria, IL)
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When you buy a 42-inch plasma television off a respected online vendor, you have some expectations. One of which is that the TV box will not contain a man that will scream real loud when you open the box. My wife is scarred and won’t go near any televisions now without crying. To make matters worse, the man stole our old TV on the way out.
[1 stars] Would not recommend,
By FULLTIMEMOM (Austin, TX)
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We just moved into a new house with a big backyard so I wanted to surprise my kids with a play set one day before they came back from school. The dimensions of the box were inaccurate; I had expected a bigger play set for my kids. Instead only one of my three children could climb on the play set at a time. And after about a week, the damn thing fell on our dog and then blew away in the wind.
[5 stars] Changed my life,
By Dennis Kubly
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Never before had I expected a cookware set to help me come to terms with my homosexuality. I had worried I was going to live my entire life in the closet but again, the Rachel Ray brand has come through for me.
[No stars] JUST A DUDE,
By Anime4EVER
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NOW MY MOM WON’T LET ME ORDER OFF THE INTERNET NE MORE
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