Public Outcry: How it's made: Turkey Killing Machines

Now is the time that we give something back to the community. When someone does a Google search and they happen upon The Survival Guide, we can read what they searched for. However, some of the things people search for are not answered on our site, so this is our way of helping out the answer-seekers, one by one.

The Query: how do turkey killing machines work?

Our Response: "How It's Made: Turkey Killing Machines"

The Survival Guide still has a pending lawsuit with the Discovery Channel due to the likeliness of their show "How It's Made" has to our world-renowned reoccurring segment, also called "How It's Made." Mr. Jones said that he would organize a case against them with everything he's learned from People's Court. He said he was going to go to the court, and he left the office humming the theme song, so I knew he was focused about law. Then he came back 3 hours later covered in blood and screaming. Just screaming. Not trying to say anything or respond to me. Just screaming.

Regardless, we are waiting for Discovery to apologize and change the name of their show to something more fitting, like "How these things are done," "Makin' stuff," " or "The Survival Guide to Everyday Life Presents How It's Made."

Anyhow, Turkey Killing Machines? This query is quite a broad subject, so I believe the querier is looking for either turkeys that are killing machines, or killing machines that have been made by turkeys. For the latter, I would direct you towards the documentary Chicken Run, as it showcases some of the Chicken technology and Mel Gibson. If you are researching the former, then still watch Chicken Run. It is such a good film.

In hindsight, I wish the query was "Please tell me all about how the Discovery Channel is run by two-bit idiots." I was riding that rage, then some guy just HAD to know turkey killing shit. I mean, I love the Discovery Channel. Shark week is marked on all of my calendars, with the day before marked "Stock up on booze, drugs and women." The Survival Guide office throws a soiree of sorts. It's all very high class and revolves around the longest running week dedicated to sharks on cable television.

But Mythbusters? The show based around our own penchant towards the world and my Walrus-'tache? It's amazing they aren't giving us money for that idea, but they aren't because that case was thrown out by the judge. Or at least that's what Mr. Jones said. Well, wrote. On the wall. In his own blood. I'm starting to think that law is not his thing.