How do I get a song out of my head?

Since music was birthed in 1982, humans have struggled with having songs seemingly trapped in their brain, finding little recourse but to throw themselves off cliffs or in front of cars in order to silence the infernal riffs of Tommy Tutone. It was not uncommon for someone to try to tough out a song for three or four weeks, only to succumb to "musical suicide" or what is better known as Pac-Man Fever Syndrome. The condition was immortalized in what is now known as one of the most emotionally charged songs of all time, "Only the Good Die Young (By Listening to Music and Getting It Stuck In Their Heads)" by Billy Joel.

Luckily now, we have science to save the day! After rigorous testing, Mr. Jones and myself have found several cures to this fever. Now, we shall single-handedly save the American pop music populous!

1. Puncture Eardrums - Yes, this might seem drastic, but drastic tunes call for drastic measures. Before you are infected by the P-M.F.S., deeply Q-tip your own and your family's ears. This is in effort to stop music suicide before it begins, by robbing yourself and loved one's own earthly right to hear. They'd thank you, if you could only read lips.
2. Tune it out - It is much less drastic, but it commands more from your abilities to tune out all music you hear. Never let a song take root in your mind. Rather, constantly drown it out by yelling your most crazy conspiracy theories or strings of swears while walking down city blocks. People might give you looks, but you'll undoubtedly see someone using the same technique. This means both of you are fans of our literature and you have much to talk about. MATCHMAKER!!
3. Constant rotation - This defense should only be used after you have gotten a song in your head. You are required to dive into the belly of the beast and listen to as much music as you possibly can, so your brain becomes a personal jukebox. Try jockeying tracks every week, so nothing becomes stagnant and causes brain rot. Be wary, storing too many songs in your brain will inhibit your everyday functions, causing you to become a vegetable. I suggest only two songs to switch between: Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, and Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Junior.
   

If you are already facing imminent death, my condolences go out to you and your family. However, you are still fully able to live a full life! Come back to read the internet pamphlet "So you are going to commit musical suicide..."There is no estimated date for its publication, and I'm in no rush, so hang in there, kitty.