What if I run into Pat Boone, but do not know anything of his body of work?

You're just going about your usual trip on the bike trails, when you see a shadowy figure in front of you. You slow down to have more time to prepare yourself for the uncertainty that lies ahead. The fog is starting to lift, revealing that it is humanoid, but you come to a complete stop to watch its behavior. He emerges from the mist, and wouldn't you know it? It's no one other than musician and actor Pat Boone!

Do not move. You might still be able to get away if you are a good runner. The fog still surrounds you, and your directions are North, South, and Southeast. What do you do?

1. Make Yourself Appear Bigger - This is a simple idea that can go a long way if you find yourself cornered by Pat Boone. If you are wearing a jacket or button down shirt, undo it slowly and flash Pat Boone. This makes your appearance and span seem much larger than what Pat Boone assumed, and hopefully, he will run away with his tail between his legs.

2. Bluff - This is ill-advised, but if you are confident in your own abilities, you can do it. Just try pretending to know what you are talking about. Mention how big of a fan you are, and you can mention a myriad of things like him living next to Ozzy Osbourne, being a born-again Christian, or even the album "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport" if you feel gutsy enough. Be warned, however. Pat Boone has fallen for this thing before, and if he catches wise to your game, he will not hesitate in making you eat your own still-beating heart. He is fast, unpredictable, and balls-out merciless.

3. Throw Down - If you are out biking in the woods in such foggy conditions, you should have known that there would be a great chance that you run into a feral Pat Boone. Mace and Pepperspray are useless against him, and so are many conventional weapons. Firearms only seem to anger him, and tasers only seem to turn him on. Your best course of action is a jumping sidekick to his right side, in the pentagram branded directly above the kidney. When he was dipped into the bath of immortality by Muddy Waters, the branding iron burned off all of the mystical powers in that area. By aiming for the emblem that is forever burned in his flesh, you can make sure to make short work out of Pat Boone.

Yes, he's a classic singer and a footnote in rock and roll history, but that does not mean you can just approach him willy nilly without any precaution. Pat Boone maulings have skyrocketed 57% this year, leaving the whole world nervous and clutching there lead pipes and crowbars before they go outside, not that they'd do any help since he eats metal. But by keeping these tips in mind, you can make you to escape the clutches of Pat Boone... barely.