What if I suspect that the can of soda I am about to open will spray everywhere?

So you just got a Crystal Pepsi out of the fridge, and due to the slippery condensation, you lose your grasp of it. As it hurtles towards the ground, you panic and hope that it does not spray open on impact, dousing your socks with individual toes in rich sugary tastiness. Prayers are answered when it doesn't crack open, but now you have a myriad of questions ahead of you. When is the right time to open this can? How can I expedite the decarbonization of this drink?! Do they even make socks like these anymore?

Since its creation by Soda Popinski in the late 1930s, drinks like Fresca or Green River are opened with an underlying fear that the carbonation built up inside will erupt like a volcano, sending precious soda high into the air. Though having a soda shower seems like it'd be amazing fun, be forewarned: pop showers are the leading cause of shame, wet T-shirt contests, and sleep apnea. So how do you avoid such a problem? By following some tried and true methods of reducing carbonation in a can/bottle of pop/soda/soda-pop.

• Tap the lid - Science mandates that the more you tap on the top of a can or on the cap of a bottle, the more you lessen the bubbles forming inside the container. The reason behind this is that the bubbles inside hate any sort of drum rhythm, the very foundation of most music. With this logic, find a record with a great deal of bass and rest your pop on the speaker. Make sure the music is very loud and leave the room for awhile. A half an hour later, come back into the room and enjoy your smooth beverage!

• Rising Temperature - Carbonation and bubbles, much like lonely or ugly women, learn to give up when they are in heat. What you do is enter a nearby kitchen and put the can of pop in the microwave (if you have a bottle, replace microwave with oven or furnace). Set the timer and leave the room for awhile. A half an hour later, come back into the room and enjoy your smooth beverage!

• Alone time - When a pop fizzles up, it's important to give it time by itself for some much needed introspection. Give the soda some time to think in its favorite place, an empty clothes dryer set on tumble press. A half an hour later, come back into the room and enjoy your smooth beverage!

Carbonation is a cruel mistress, but hopefully with these tips and tricks, your can won't crack "under pressure!"