2-Minute Biography: The Dream Team

Did you know... these men have done more than you would ever do in a thousand lifetimes?

In the 1992 Olympic games, the USA fielded one of the most formidable basketball teams in history, referred to as The Dream Team. Consisting of the best players in the NBA, The Dream Team steamrolled every other team it came up against with an average margin of victory of 43.8 points. The team had an amazing amount of raw talent, but it also helped that many other countries had only found out about basketball a week prior.

But the question remains: were the members of The Dream Team good sports? The short answer: yes. After the Olympics, they set out to repair the damages their brutal ass- kickings caused.

Their first stop was Croatia, where their massive triumph over the Croatian team caused a complete dissolvement of the government and hundreds of ritual suicides. Upon getting off their jet, The Dream Team soon realized the damage they had caused might be too much for just one basketball team to fix. Charles Barkley, guilt-ridden with the deaths his amazing dunks had caused, vowed to stay behind and rebuild Croatia from the ground up. To this day, he rules the beautiful country with an iron fist.

The team next traveled to Angola to see what damage they had caused. It is not known what the specific damages to the South American country were because the one journalist who traveled with the team to document their philanthropy vomited himself to death after seeing what remained of the country from their plane.

Just as we don’t know what was wrong with Angola, we don’t know what The Dream Team did to rebuild the nation. All we know is that Angolans now speak a special dialect of Portuguese that sounds a lot like Michael Jordan.

The philanthropy tour ended with a return to the United States where the entire team (save for Barkley, who was the new Duke of Croatia) publicly apologized for any negative image they may have given the USA.

In a touching scene of self-sacrifice, they all burned their basketball shoes in the center of Time Square and never set foot on the court again.