Episode Guide: Season 1 of the Bernie Mac Show

Almost a month has passed since beloved entertainer Bernie Mac has passed on and my B-Mac-O-Meter (a scientific device that quantitatively measures the popularity of Bernie Mac) reads higher than ever. Before you question the validity of such a device, I have one thing to say to you: fuck off. Calibrating devices to measure fame of black celebrities has always been a passion of mine since childhood. Sadly, out of the many I’ve made (16, if I remember correctly) only the Bernie Mac one has worked. Furthermore, I have been instructed by my lawyer not to field any questions on the coincidence that the completion of my B-Mac-Meter and the death of Bernie Mac occurred on the same day.

Episode 1 (Pilot)
Bernie Mac has his sister’s children move in with him and his wife. Because they are not a direct fruit of his loins, he forces the children to live in a cupboard underneath the stairs. Mac finds out the hard way that the children are not only capable of using magic, but are also destined to hone their abilities at a school for witches and wizards. The kids are taken to their new school by means of a flying car. Shortly after, Snape kills Dumbledore.
Note: Everything that took place in the pilot is never referenced again in the series. Bernie Mac called do-over on series claiming, “it didn’t have enough magic.” Oddly enough, magic never appeared again in the show.

Episode 6
The kids want a dog and Bernie Mac, a man who always wanted a dog himself, agrees. The family buys a dog. Somehow this takes up 30 minutes.

Episode 9
Bernie’s sister returns from Chicago to take her kids back. Everything seems like it’s working out, but something doesn’t sit well with Bernie. By violently working his way up a crime family located near his house, Bernie finds out that the woman Bernie thought was his sister is an impostor who plans to sell the children into sexual slavery. This is also the Christmas special.

Episode 16
In an effort to spite viewers, episode 16 is actually just the Die Hard 2 trailer looped while the audio of Bernie Mac’s stand up routine plays in the back. This particular episode is what nominated the show for its two Emmy Awards.

Episode 22 (Season Finale)
I’m going to be honest, I really only watch Fox for Seinfeld and The Simpsons. I missed this one.