Although there are some serious benefits for being an attractive woman (the admiration of all, the luxury of saying you don’t think you’re pretty even though you totally know it, and free potato skins at Applebee’s to name only three), the truth is you’re wasting your aesthetic beauty if you don’t cause exasperation in the male species when you’re out in public with your boyfriend.
If you are a pretty lady and you don’t feel you’re getting enough blank stares when out on the town with your man, ask yourself the following three questions:
Is my boyfriend not a big enough douchebag?
Take a close look at him. Does he have a polo shirt on? If not, he should. And if he has one, make him put on two more and have him pop all the collars. Next time you’re out at the bars make sure you have him hit you for spilling his drink. It’s up to you but you can even have him high five one of his buddies after he smacks you. Be creative!
Do I exhibit qualities that are not found anywhere else in the female species?
Next time you feel some guy with a goatee checking you out, talk to your boyfriend about your love for Rube Goldberg machines and post-modernism fiction. If he’s a good boyfriend he should not listen the first time you speak, forcing you to repeat yourself louder, but slower. Naturally, he should respond by saying, “Yeah, whatever,” and turning his iPod up louder. His iPod should only have Dave Matthews Band on it.
Am I not giving other guys enough false hope?
Wink to them on trains. Talk about books they like! Spend huge portions of their day on the phone with them chatting away about Charlie Kaufman. Once you feel that spark, that magical connection, the feeling you know is more right than anything in the world, “accidentally” call one of them while you’re blowing your boyfriend.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment