How do I make a marketable slogan for annoymous sex?

Leon Firestone claims to know a lot about making marketable slogans for promoting anonymous sex but the fact of the matter is he acquired the skill from me. For record, this isn’t me getting on my “I’m the master” soapbox. In many partnerships the transferring of skills from one partner to another is a natural process that should be embraced. While I may have taught Leon everything he knows about making sex slogans, I have learned plenty by his hand. I have him to thank about everything I know about the process of making crystal meth. He also taught me how to ride a bike.

With that being said, I am very much the master and here are some tips towards making that slogan for anonymous sex that you’ve always wanted. Not only that, but by going through these steps, I will create an example slogan to help you learn.

Step 1: Make sure the slogan starts with a condition people can immediately identify with.
White Hen’s slogan was “When you run out, run out to White Hen.” As a slogan for anonymous sex it’s subpar, as a slogan in general it’s a pretty solid representation. The “When you run out” part is key because it gives listeners a condition to identify with and because it comes first and grabs attention. People do run out and when they think about running out of something, that little slogan pops into their head. You have to do the same thing but for anonymous sex. Phrases like “When you want to bone with a stranger…” or “If you feel the urge to get your dick wet with someone you don’t even know in a bookstore…” For our example, we’ll choose the latter.

Step 2: List the location for anonymous sex.
There is nothing worse than being told to meet someone at a glory hole only to not be able to find it in time. This confusion is often called "Glory-Holers remorse." Communication is key with anonymous sex because of the fact no names are exchanged. There is absolutely no margin for error because you can’t call or text the person to remedy any miscommunications. Using this and by building off of step one, the example slogan now reads “If you feel the urge to gte your dick wet with someone you don’t even know in a bookstore, come on down to the Barnes and Noble on State Street.”

Step 3: Clarify that location.
I can’t stress the need for clarification enough. Think about some confusion that may arise from the location and address them in the slogan. Now the slogan reads, “If you feel the urge to get your dick wet with someone you don’t even know in a bookstore, come on down to the Barnes and Noble on State Street. Not the Borders on State Street.”

Step 4: Make it musical.
I know there is a difference between a slogan and a jingle, but that doesn’t mean a slogan can’t have a sing-song quality! “If you feel the urge to get your dick wet with someone you don’t even know in a bookstore, come on down to the Barnes and Noble on State Street. Not the Borders on State Street” becomes a much catchier slogan when you sing it to the theme of Law & Order. You’re free to make up your own melody but why bother? The Law & Order theme is pretty sweet.

Step 5: Get people to repeat it.
Between the ages of 2-3, children are prone to repeat almost anything they hear. During naptime, sneak into a daycare and repeatedly whisper it into every child’s ear. When they wake up, your slogan will reach new levels of circulation.