Black Friday (observed) is the day the slaves were freed in 1865 and is now a huge shopping holiday. Stores commemorate human rights and the emerging of common sense by having doorbusters, early birds, and dawn scavenger sales. However, the successes of your shopping can not be determined by simple monetary values. As we know, there is more to life than just money and the saving of said money. This checklist is meant to itemize your Black Friday (observed) experiences to make sure you are living a fulfilling life.
___Did you cut in any lines?
___Did you see anyone get jacked in the face?
___Ratio between how much you spent/how much you were going to spend
___Ratio between how much you spent/your life savings
___How many crying babies did you tolerate?
___Did you witness a bitchfight?
___Did you use your charisma and experience from hard-living to cajole extra deals?
___How many people did you see that you never want to see again?
___Did you only shop at Wal-Mart (God, I love Wal-Mart)?
___Did you see someone driving the wrong way in a parking lot?
___Did you drive the wrong way in a parking lot?
___Was that you who almost fucking hit me?
___Did you do any shopping for your family?
___Did you even see your family?
___Did you shake the hand of a black man and thank him for this day?
___Did you accidentally wish someone "Merry Christmas" despite it being 28 days away?
Checks count as one points, and each dollar counts as .005 of a point. If you got over 3 points, congratulations! You are living a fulfilling life that does not need to be in check, because seriously, you got this life shit down. If you were that person who almost hit me, really? I mean, there were signs everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
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