Blogging Ethics

Leon and I just recently completed The Survival Guide’s first book tour. The tour started in Kansas City, took us to Detroit and ended in the beautiful city of Newark, New Jersey. It should be noted that the Survival Guide does not have a published book, nor do we really have the intention of doing so. Leon and I are just confident in our abilities as writers that we felt that we could warrant a book tour without actually having published anything tangible.

Correction: anything tangible of literary merit. On every odd weekend I publish and distribute my own version of the Federal Papers that accuses a chubby boy from the neighborhood of being a total pussy. I’m not crazy, though; I know this pamphlet onslaught does not have literary merit. It does however, have journalistic merit.

It's a lot like this, except the word pussy appears three times as frequently.

In Detriot, a young man asked us blogging ethics. To put this into a timeline, this was after our car was stolen but before we were mugged and at the exact same time a guy peed on Leon.

We were stumped. We didn’t know what to say. And this wasn’t because we were overcome by the pungent smell of urine wafting off of Leon. All too often he reeks of urine and we have both become accustomed to dealing with it. After a while it became endearing, like a family dog that can’t stop farting.

Blogging ethics? At the risk of sounding unprofessional, I told the young man that sounds totally fucking gay. The blogosphere (which concidentially, is located in Newark) is far too diverse to impose a single set of ethics.

In response he stated that Eric Mueller, a law professor, felt that blogs “can be a check on big media.”

I told him that citing sources was for pussies. And that makes him a pussy. Although I do not know this man’s name, chubby boy from the neighborhood will receive a few weeks reprieve because my Federalist Pussy Papers just found a new target.

So no, for the first time, Leon and I have nothing to say on the subject of blogging ethics. However! We do have a set of rules that will help you identify a shitty blog.

Look at the URL.
Is .blogspot located in the url? If it is, it means whoever writes the blog is a jackass that can’t afford hosting on a service that isn’t free. The only thing worse is if the blog has a .com address that just takes you to a blogspot website. This means the fuckers were only willing to drop the 3 dollars for a domain name and operate under the impression that it makes them more official somehow. Stay away at all costs.

Are they using their real names?
People that are not willing to divulge to write under their real names are not to be trusted. For example, my name is Mr. Jones. If I wanted to deceive readers into thinking I am someone else, I would use a fake name like Dr. Bones. No one has the first name of Dr., that’s just retarded. Stay away from assholes that use titles like they are first names.

Do they frequently refer to things that are obviously fictional as if they are real?
There is nothing shittier in a blog than building up a mythology. Here at the Survival Guide, you know damn well whenever we reference our office it exists in a determinate location and everything in it as we real as it say it is. Especially the giant skunk ape we keep in the attic. Again, if you answer yes to this question, the sooner you stop reading the better.

Does the blog have a banner at the top of the page, depicted a black and white illustration of two men in a flying machine?
Be careful when deciding whether or not something is a flying machine or not. Hang gliders, for example, are not flying machines. Airplanes though? Totally are. This gives a new meaning to the old saying “If the blog has an airplane in the banner at the top, tell your friends it sucks.”