How can I sleep on the ground comfortably?

I should take the time right now to tell you that sleeping on the ground and comfort are mutually exclusive. Let it be carpet or tile or rug or coal, you will never have a sense of refreshment when waking up on the floor. In fact, scientists have found that sleeping on the floor takes away 8 hours of your life away each time you sleep there. Today, we'll be exposing some common techniques that can lessen the amount of hours robbed from your life.

The Arm Drag - Only 7 hours from life expectancy - Position yourself where you arm is acting as a pillow. The science is that, by making your arm go to sleep, you can make the rest of your body go to sleep easier. Also, it feels really cool when you wake up.

The Lazy Rock - Only 4 hours from life expectancy - Assign a security object to help you through the night. This is like having a comfort animal that people use to stop them from losing their shit mentally. In my experience, the shinier the object is, the better. This is why I suggest an opened butterfly knife.

Anchors Away! - Only 6 hours from life expectancy - Before you go to the floor, start smoking. If at all possible, leave the cigarette in your mouth while you sleep. If you do not believe that one cigarette will last all eight hours of sleep, light as many as you need and leave them in your mouth.

Did you know... that this man can sleep in any condition thrown at him?

The Crazier Leggier - Instant death - Before going to bed, look into a mirror and say "Pat Boone" three times fast. Though this is the opposite of lengthening your life expectancy, I just wanted to throw it out there to make sure you didn't do it out of curiosity or due to a dare.

Fleshbag Switcheroo - Only 3 hours from life expectancy. This is the mind over matter approach to sleeping on the floor. Using the same mechanics as a sensory deprivation chamber, put something over your head so it feels like you are sleeping anywhere else but on the floor. I suggest a small plastic bag.