Etiquette Excellence: Understanding the hierarchy of a commercial fishing ship

Although there are places were etiquette is extremely important (fancy dinner parties, gun range, etc.), there are few places were etiquette is more crucial than a commercial fishing boat. Commercial fishermen are a tradition-loving people and adhere to a unique hierarchy when at sea. Failure to respect the hierarchy is extremely disrespectful for everyone on board. However, despite their appearance, commercial fishermen are a kind folk and a failure to respect their way of life will not cause you to be subject to any kind of violence, but they will give you a disappointed look and that’s a lot worse.

Anyway, here’s how the hierarchy breaks down, starting at the top:

The captain – Although the captain posses the highest position of authority on the boat, the position is not without its drawbacks. In order to become a captain, a sailor must lose his father at sea. This is typically inevitable for a son of a sailor, but for an aspiring captain whose father is say, an accountant, achieving the status of captain can be difficult. In these cases, it’s not uncommon for sailors to lure their fathers out to sea on father-son fishing trips and then club them like baby seals.

First mate – Subordinate to only the captain, there are some cases where the first mate is allowed to exercise power over the captain. Whenever the first mate feels like it, he can tell the captain to “do it.” At which point, the captain is forced to tell that story everyone loves and if anyone new walks in on the story telling before the captain finishes, he has to start all over again.

Guy with least amount of limbs – The fisherman on board with the least amount of limbs is put above the others according to the “sucks to be him” clause in the Fishermen’s Handbook.

Box filled with orange life preservers – When at sea, safety is a necessity. As such, in the case of a capsized ship, all fishermen subordinate to the guy with the least amount of limbs are expected to sacrifice themselves to keep the box afloat in the frigid waters.

Obligatory dog on the boat – A dog helps keep morale up. If a crew does not own a dog, they have to pretend like they do. This is often accomplished by scolding each other randomly for forgetting to feed Eddie. All fishermen are big Frasier fans, so all dogs are named Eddie.