Gatorade: Bullshit or Bulltruth?

Many have heard that Gatorade was developed in 1965 to help athletes at the University of Florida gain a competitive edge. Many also have heard that Columbus discovered America, or that the United States government once made the Cherokee Indians partake in a 1,200 mile forced march westward. What do these three things all have in common? They’re all fabricated lies designed to protect us because the truth is too horrible to comprehend!

Gatorade was named after the University of Florida’s mascot, the Gator.
Verdict: Bullshit

The man who invented Gatorade, Dr. Robert Cade, spent most of his scientific career trying to find effective ways to fuse alligators and human beings together. Once, during one of his fusions, his test subject began to thrash wildly on the operating table and knocked over a bunch of test tubes, accidentally creating Gatorade. Seeing a chance to better fund his passion of sticking two things that have no business being fused together, he patented the concoction and began to make millions. Today, he uses his amassed wealth not only to fuse alligators and people together, but also to fuse small alligators to big alligators.

Gatorade can make you sweat awesome colors.
Verdict: Bulltrue-ish

Enough Gatorade consumption can, in fact, make your sweat change color, with one exception. Gatorade commercials that depict white athletes sweating colorfully are actually inaccurate. Extensive testing by Dr. Robert Cade resulted in the discovery that this phenomenon only appears in black males. Cade believes the Gatorade sweat gene is actually the same gene in blacks responsible for sickle cell and dancing ability. Pleased with his discovery, Cade celebrated by fusing everyone involved in the research with alligators.

Gatorade “Rain” is made from real rain.
Verdict: Are you fucking kidding me?

That’s retarded. Rain tastes like shit. Dumbass.

Not to be a dick, but what the fuck were you thinking?