Travel Guide: The Australian Outback

Due to slumping tourism, the leaders of Australia have decided to bring the the exciting experience of the Australian Outback to America, much like the boomerang, koala bear, and Crocodile Dundee before it. The Outback is now one of the top exports for Australia, but all of this replication doesn't mean that it has lost it's unique beauty. The atmosphere of each Outback is mass-produced and manufactured to be the unique beauty you would expect.

The story behind how the Outback came to be is an adventure within itself! Despite popular and well-documented belief, the geographical location of the Outback was found March 1988 by founders Chris Sullivan, Robert D. Basham, Tim Gannon and Trudy Cooper, and was shipped off into America in 2001, to coincide with the debut of Survivor: The Australian Outback. This was the third time that Australia had made a major political decision based on wanting America's approval. The first being Crocodile Dundee and his run for Secretary of State, the second being Koala Yummies and the mass koala genocide that preceded it, and the fourth being the assassination of Steve Irwin by a sting-ray/terrorist.

Here are some of the attractions to witness and take advantage of if you venture to your local Outback.

Delicacy - Australian food is best known for its blend of secret spices, handmade croutons, hand cut fries, but the biggest contribution it has bestowed onto the public is a little dish called the Bloomin' Onion. In the arid air of the Outback, there is nothing that will fill your stomach as well as the Bloomin' Onion. It's also great for dipping!

Drinks - Get loaded the Australian way with the fine liquor and beer in cans that appear comically big compared to American cans. As expected, the infertile and desert land of the Outback in a great place to get completely and utterly shitfaced.

Atmosphere - Though it seems like something you would take in passively, Australia's tourism board wants to make sure that you appreciate the Outback as a "no worries" place to let go with family and friends. They implore you to come to the Outback to "relax and unwind with friendly faces, fresh food and excellent service." (Press release from Australian Outback Tourism Board) They also wish you enjoy all of the knick-knacks you would assume to find in the barren Australian Outback: "boomerangs, surfboards, maps and flags."

Due to the sheer size of the Outback, you will be forced to realize that you cannot see all "6,000 square feet featuring dining room and an island bar" in one day. Unfortunately, their are no hotels in the Outback, so you will have to settle for the Holiday Inn right down the street, past the hardware store, and in the same parking lot as Lone Star.