Fellow men, babies ruin everything. Whether they’re crying at the movie theater or stretching out a perfectly good vagina, one thing is clear: they are out to get us. If you suspect your lady has a bun in the oven, look for the following indicators:
Increased aggression. Pregnant women are typically hormonal which can translate into more aggressive behavior. While you can certainly just wait for an incidence of aggression, sometimes one just doesn’t have time to play the waiting game. To test the waters, tell your potentially pregnant wife/girlfriend that you’re leaving her for that really ugly friend she has and that you also burned her most prized possessions after eBaying her mom. If she tries to stab you, she’s totally pregnant.
Vulnerability to UV rays. Pregnant women are susceptible to UV rays to varying degrees. In most cases, brief to moderate exposure to the sun won’t cause much discomfort, so it’s hard to test the variable in a real life situation. Treat your significant other to a day at the tanning salon. Once she begins bronzing in a tanning bed, sit on it so she can’t get out. If she starts showing signs of discomfort, it’s very possible she’s preggers.
Morning sickness. Pregnant women often suffer from morning sickness, which causes vomiting. Vomiting can be par for the course if you, like many men, normally sneak medication into her food that induces vomiting. If you grow wary of a pregnancy, this would be a good time to stop spiking her breakfast with emetics and see if the puking continues.
Increased abdomen size. This is a sign that, by itself, doesn’t cause much cause for alarm. Increased abdomen size is something that happens to both men and women alike. It even occurs naturally in fat girls, and you know they ain’t pregnant. Use this indicator with caution.
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