With everyone abuzz about the mysterious monster in Cloverfield and Oscar season coming around the corner, we thought it necessary to go over the manners you should exhibit when talking about the endings of notable movies.
Use vague terminology - If you are talking with a few of your friends, but only one of them hasn't seen the movie, there is no reason to stop all conversation and pretend it never happened. Instead, you can use very vague language in order to insinuate what you mean when you are talking to other people. It's like how they used vague language in The Sixth Sense so you would never guess that Bruce Willis was a ghost the entire time.
Limit yourself to hype - While you shouldn't tell the person the ending of the movie, there is no law against building up a certain scene in the movie that you really enjoyed. Just dumb it down to a few words, and preface it with "dude," and end it with "that's all I'm saying." For example.
When talking about Star Wars: "Dude, you figure out who Luke's dad is, that's all I'm saying."
When talking about The Other's: "Dude, it's like the Sixth Sense, that's all I'm saying."
When talking about Fight Club: "Dude, Tyler-Durden-is-actually-a-split-personality-of-the-nameless-narrator-and-this-fact-is-
constantly-hinted-towards-throughout-the-duration-of-the-movie,-like-the-time-that-
Edward-Norton-answers-the-pay-phone,-even-though-that-there-is-a-sign-there-that-
says-"no-incoming-calls-allowed,"-so-you-can-totally-see-that-he-obviously-got-the-idea-
himself-to-live-at-the-house-on-paper-street.-Man,-that-movie-kicked-so-much-ass, That's all I'm saying.
When Talking about One Missed Call: "Dude, don't bother, that's all I'm saying."
Lie to them - Sometimes the best option for dealing with someone who keeps bothering you about the intricacies of a movie's plot is to out and out lie to their face about the actual events in the movie. Make up an elaborate story on the spot, much like Kevin Spacey/Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects. If you're talking about The Crying Game, tell your friend that the girl remains the same gender throughout the entire movie. This isn't only limited to plot lines that revolve around gender confusion. Tell your friends that the main character is actually a transvestite in every movie, with obvious exceptions being TransAmerica, Sleepaway Camp, and I Am Legend.
Bear these tips in mind, and people will thank you for not spoiling the secrets of Cloverfield's giant lobster/dragon/John Madden she-male, whose climatic battle with Dumbledore is something that we will be talking about for years to come, that's all I'm saying.
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