2 Minute Biography: Niels Bohr

Niels Bohr grew up like all physicists do. After cracking out of his magma rock, the elders of the fire mountain submerged his hands in lava as a rite of passage. However, his hands came out of the lava still intact and unburned, meaning that he was sent here from a higher power. He said good bye to his family and floated down the fire mountain to the nearest town, a small Danish town, where he would assimilate into their way of life in hopes to eventually set it ablaze with the fury of the forsaken lavapeople.

As the God on Earth of the lavapeople, Bohr would receive superpowers based on the different elements he would pick up. Bronze would double his strength, iron would give him gills, and Bohrium would cause him to explode. He used these powers in order to gain the favor of the townpeople, as he would plow their farmland at alarming speeds for nothing more than a free meal and a place to lay his head. This was all a ruse however, as Neils Bohr could not process human food and never slept.

When it came time to demolish the village, he ingested a large quantity of uranium and poision-blasted the crap out of the small town. He only did this because it was his destiny, even though he has grown close to the community's charms and personalities. He was not the same person after this massacre, and chose to go by the name Proton for now on. The U.S. government got word of this superbeing, and wagered him to help invent powerful weapons for WWII. He agreed to, but only if they could bomb the lavapeople that have set him on this awful path.

Great Graphs! Here is an examination of the Bohr killcumference. Note that the first girl he ever loved was a villager named Electron.

Not having anyone to answer to but the US Government, Bohr, or Proton, became withdrawn and no longer saw fun in things that use to entertain him. Even the simple joys of getting high off of neon now were only there to help him get by in his shallow existance. When work on the Manhattan Project hit a standstill, he took full responsibility for America possibly losing the war. Ridden with pre-emptive shame, he jumped out of a plane and onto Hiroshima with a breifcase filled with Bohrium. His selflessness has become famous, and was paid tribute in the classic film "Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Niels Bohr."