Banned Levi's Jeans Commercials

Compared to the rest of the world, the USA gets pretty lame commercials. I once read that in Britain there was a commercial that had two naked chicks feeling each other up in a kiddie pool filled with Bailey’s Irish Cream. Interestingly enough, the commercial was for kiddie pools and not Bailey’s. The fact that booze and kiddie pools have the same demographic in the UK is just one of the many reasons they are more socially progressive than us.

Because I have an interest in all things banned and contraband, I have a collection of prohibited Levi Jean commercials on various VHS tapes, as well as a closet full of narcotics I have stolen from various police evidence closets in the state the New Jersey. If the technology existed, I would upload the videos onto the Internet but I’m afraid that day is a ways off. But when that day arrives, what a day it will be!

Because I cannot show you the commercials, I will describe them for you. After reading each description, simply close your eyes and allow your mind to take you where technology cannot!

Original air date: 12/12/1988
Description: A slightly aged (but still busty!) mother-figure is folding laundry on a bed. After folding a pair of Levi jeans she accidentally knocks the pair off the bed onto the ground. After picking up the jeans up, she realizes the rear side of the jeans are made out of hundred dollar bills. Perplexed by this, she turns the jeans over again. The side that was clearly denim a half a second earlier is now made entirely out of marijuana. The Levi logo fades in on the bottom right corner of the screen as she rolls a blunt using the jean money.

Original air date: 7/16/1994
Description: A pair of sentient jeans is running from the cops on a suburban street with a gun being held by a belt loop. The jeans kick down a door to a two-story home while returning fire through the dining room window as they climb the stairs. One of the bullets hits the police commissioner at the base of the throat. The jeans, still firing wildly, come to a bedroom balcony that overlooks the street and the now rapidly forming police barricade. A female cop with a megaphone urges the jeans to cooperate. The jeans yell back they’ve gotten their hands bloody before, but never bloody with cop blood and that there is no turning back now. The jeans then turn the 9mm on themselves but before the trigger is pulled a hail of sniper fire rips the denim apart. As the tattered jeans tumble over the balcony, the Levi logo appears in the bottom right corner of the screen.

Original air date: 5/9/2005
Description: An okay-looking man puts on a pair of Levi’s and a hot lady does not wrestle him to the ground and try to have sex with him. The reason this is banned may not be as clear as the other two (for one, it’s a federal crime to burn money and two, female cops don’t exist) so allow me to explain. Putting Levi’s on will always make hot ladies try to have sex with you. Always. If it doesn’t work, then you just haven’t bought enough. It is considered unethical to lie to customers, so the commercial was banned.