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Friday, December 21, 2007

Christmas Traditions Explained

The Christmas Tree
As we’re all aware, people are made of clay that God has generously chosen to breathe life into. But what happens if God, mad with love, breathes life into a person who has already made the transformation from clay? Does that person revert back to his/her clay-state? No. That person turns into a tree. We put Christmas trees in our living rooms to honor our fellow man who have been condemned to live life as a tree because God was simply too generous with the gift of life.

Decorating The Christmas Tree
By using flamboyant garland and gaudy ornaments to decorate trees, we only not honor our fellow man, but our fellow gay man.

Eggnog
Aron Eisenberg, a television actor, created eggnog one lonely night when he became infuriated that there wasn’t a commercial drink that contained both eggs and nutmeg. The name came from Eisenberg’s character Nog on the television series Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The significance of the tradition stems simply from the fact that both Eisenberg and his TV personality Nog possess an incalculable amount of Christmas spirit.

Did you know... That Nog can say Merry Christmas in 95 different languages

Caroling
The act of going door to door singing songs isn’t so much a Christmas tradition as it is a continuation of Halloween. Children would use their shrill, piercing harpy-voices to punish the households they felt shortchanged them on candy that year. If it was any other time of the year, vandalism would be the better option; however moral trespasses during December is an action God punishes with a breathe of life. The children, fearful of a boring fate as a tree, disguised their hatred in the form of song.

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