Going to a movie theater can be a magical experience, but it can turn deadly if you do not know the unspoken rules of theater etiquette. Here is a brief rundown of what you ought to know.
Get there early - Movie companies place trailers in front of the movie so you can learn about upcoming films. It seems ridiculous for you to come in late and miss this opportunity to watch a minute and a half clip-show of an upcoming film, which you can talk about with your friends about more than the movie itself. I advise getting to the theater at least 2 hours before show time. This way you will not miss a thing, and it will give you time to talk to people about the possible trailers that might be shown before the film you paid to see.
Stock pile - If you eat while watching a movie, make sure you have everything you need before you settle in your seat. Getting up during the movie is one of the worst distractions to people around you, and also shows them where your priorities are: You are willing to pay four more dollars for popcorn and miss six minutes of a movie you paid 10 dollars for. To get around this, buy everything, but with caution. Remember that you shouldn't bring in what you can't hold in for the duration of the movie. If not, bedpans and colostomy bags will do.
Cell phones - Technology can turn against you if you do not heed this warning. Everyone is more or less quiet in the theater, but their focus can drift from time to time. Stop this boredom before it starts. By leaving your phone on, it enables you the perfect time to show off your new ringtone of "It's Not Unusual" by Tom Jones. When people see movies, they don't care about the actual movie, they just want something to tell their family and friends. If you have a memorable ringtone, you will no doubt be part of that story. The imagined dialog of one of your fellow moviegoers:
Yea, M. Night Shyamalan's Big Momma's Golden Rush Hour 5: The Dragon Wars was pretty good, but there was this douchefag there who had Tom Jones as a ringtone. I came so close to just punching their face in.
It seems like this person is out for your blood. Au contraire, as you have effectively given them another distraction from enjoying the movie they came to watch while eating theater food and talking about trailers. Though all the people yelling at you may seem peeved, they are actually thanking you from the bottom of their buttered-soaked bucket.
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