Guy's Gift Guide for Girls: 2007 Holiday Season

If you're trying to find the perfect gift for the special woman in your life, it's very important to weigh your options carefully. Fortunately, for your pleasure, I have a comparison that will provide the answers to everyone's questions this holiday season:

A Commodore 64 or a USB vibrator?

Commodore 64

Pros:

• Plays Jetpac

• 16 colors, including blue!

• Stylish way to manage your fiances

• Great for street cred

• Can be used as a vibrator in a pinch

Cons:

• May make her dad say something like "I remember these..." and tell a long story no one cares about

• Additional RAM costs extra; minimal performance boost not worth the price

USB Vibrator

Pros:

• Additional RAM is one of three power settings, including "Plug and Play" and "Bone-fuck."

• Five distinct and detachable heads, including "The Gentlemen," "The Windswept Scotsman," "The Oil Tycoon," "Watercolor Lily Pads," and "Carlos, the diminutive mechanic."

• Batteries not needed

Cons:

• May make her mom say something like "I remember..." and tell a story everyone cares about

• Cannot be used as a Commodore 64 in a pinch