How do I compare apples to oranges?

While many people believe that it is fruitless to compare these apples and oranges, anyone can subject them to rigorous testing and observation in order to discern the differences and similarities. As a celebrated orangeologist, I have found that the best way to compare any two fruits is by the use of charts and diagrams. The following are the graphs and charts I've used in many of my presentations at many prestigious colleges and my notable speeches at anti-apple rallies.

Venn Diagram - This is often the best when trying to compare and contrast specific elements of each of these foods. Make overlapping spheres, one labeled "apples," the other one labeled "oranges," and their intersection labeled both. Here is an example, which was made for a speech I gave to the 1997 graduating class of Texas A&M.

Note: The "X" actually stands for doctor's recommended daily dosage of ecstasy

Radar chart - Also known as a spider chart, the radar chart is normally used to contrast two figures by showing how they are different in three or more characteristics. The following graph was from a presentation I gave to a college in Muncie, Indiana, as part of their symposium on the world post-Cold War.

Note: Notice how oranges are more "honest" than "orange".

Oppression-O-Meter - Though it might seem like a simple bar graph, this chart measures the desire of an object or person to oppress different minorities or classes. This type of graph was common during World War II, the Civil Rights movement, and Mel Gibson's career. For this example, we go to a graph that was created as a prop for an editorial I wrote into Highlights Magazine. The same color legend from above applies here:

Note: Oppression-o-meter graphs make it mathematically impossible to love too much. This is largely due to the oppressive nature of math.