Bullshit or Bulltruth: E.E. Cummings

By understanding the life of a poet, we gain further insight into his work. As a fellow wordsmith, it is my responsibility to ensure that the life of E.E. Cummings is understood with perfect clarity so that his work will continue to be faithfully studied and appreciated.

E.E. Cummings was the first person to ever have the last name of ‘Cummings.”

Verdict: Bulltrue.

Under normal circumstances, one inherits their last name from their father. However, Cummings’s father, Edward Smith, wanted a daughter. After the future poet was born, Smith legally changed the boy’s last name to Cummings as punishment for having a Y chromosome. A typical terrible father would simply have settled for beating his son, but Smith was a busy man and he couldn’t fit that kind of a commitment into his schedule. He felt that by giving his son a nickname that would earn him a laborious amount of taunting, he could fulfill his neglective fatherly duties while on the road as a purveyor of fine silks from the East.

E.E. Cumming’s poetry employed unique uses of punctuation as a stylistic choice.

Verdict: Bullshit.

Again, his father is to blame. When Smith caught word that his son was making friends despite his last name, he made the boy take private English lessons. Cumming’s private teacher was actually an old college buddy of his father, who taught him wrong on purpose. Although many people are under the impression that Cumming’s poems transcend literary conventions, the truth of the matter is he was told that periods and commas should be used in a manner that reflects how happy you’re feeling at the time.

E.E. Cummings was married three times.

Verdict: Bullshit

Cummings was actually only engaged three times. His first two engagements never saw fruition because his father, unbeknownst to Cummings, stole his fiancés and buried them alive in a location still not known today.

Cummings is the funniest last name ever.

Verdict: Bulltruth.

Seriously, what an asshole.