How do I fold a shirt in only 3 seconds?

Shirt folding is no doubt tricky business. You have to account for a variety of variables, such as sleeve size, shirt length, neck hole diameter, number of arm holes, and whether it not is has a witty phrase printed on it. However, there is an quicker and easier way to fold your shirts, no matter the arm hole count!

Step 1: Hold your shirt above the folding surface. Make sure to hold it in the typical Oarsman style, where the bottom of the shirt held higher than both sleeves.

Step 2: While it can be difficult for those who are just starting to fold shirts this fast, what you want to do is snap your wrist so the thicker bottom of the shirt spins around and gets into the significantly smaller neckhole. Once the shirt is in typical fornication style, you can lay it down on the folding surface.

Step 3: Using your index finger, grab onto the right sleeve of the shirt and pull it out.

Step 4: No, my right.

Step 5: With what you have clasped with your left finger, twirl it around the rest of the shirt until your hand gets caught in the fabric so tightly, that you start to lose feeling in that hand.

Step 6: In an act that represents your own rebirth, hold on to the wad of clothing with your other hand as you pull your other other hand out of the shirt.

Step 7: Using the kite finger, start spinning it around as if it was a pizza. Use a fake, near-derogatory Italian accent and say how spicy a figurative meat-a-balla is.

Step 8: With the shirt splayed out in all directions due to your pizza-spinning G-force, tie the sleeves together in a typical barmaids knot.

Step 9: In sync to track 3 of the "The Survival Guide to Everyday Life Presents The Smooth Easy-Listening Styles of Survival" CD, gently roll up the shirt and pantomime playing it as if it was a flute.

Step 10: After the fourth guitar solo, unroll the shirt and fold it into a triangle.

Step 11: Fold the triangle over itself in typical Corey Feldman style, and staple two of the three sides it so it cannot become undone.

Step 12: Put your head in the one side that is not stapled.

All you have to do is practice these steps, and you'll do to shirt folding what Pat Boone did to breakdancing in no time!