Community Service: Body Hygiene

Due to the checkered pass of both myself and Mr. Jones, we are mandated by the state to partake in community service in order to enrich the loves of those around us, and to eventually live down the numerous plaid collar crimes and counterfeiting rings we established. Our contribution today is a simple guide on personal hygiene that you can show your kids instead of having to teach them and spend time with them yourself.

Your body and you!
Stand in front of the mirror and look at your body. Really look at it. Try making a mental checklist of your flaws. This has nothing to do with hygiene, but it does keep you in check.

Using Soap
Wash your body in a circular motion. Yes, just like that. Make sure to get all the trouble spots that are frequently looked over. Wash behind the ears, your bellybutton, under your feet, and the Galindas flap. Of course, you've heard all of this before. Continue washing in a circular motion, and wash your legs. Now look at me when you do it.

Body odor
As part of getting older, you will naturally excrete pleasant smells. However, one in a million develop a natural stink. While popular logic is to wash yourself and use deodorants and antidepressants as cover, a new trend I just made up is to wear your stank as a badge of honor. The stink must obviously still be an important trait of our species, as a higher power designed us very intelligently to smell. I say you try going natural for just one week, and I guarantee you that it will be the best week of your life.

Hair
As part of growing up, hair will continue to grow where it has been growing your entire life. You might have some peach fuzz on the Galindas flap, but it just becomes more pronounced and is more prone to being caught on chairs with arm rests. Regardless, you are gonna want to invest in shampoos and conditioners. When washing your hair, make sure to really dig into your scalp. The deeper the shampoo goes, the more beautiful your hair is bound to look. Since a decent shampoo lasts upwards to three hours, I recommend that you wash your hair once a month.