Etiquette Excellence: Quilting Bee

For the unaware, a quilting bee is a gathering of women for the purposes of sewing a giant quilt. Due to the collaborative nature of the bee, every woman brings her own materials and sews patches that represent something significant in their lives. These patches do not necessarily have to be about quilting, but more often than not woman at these bees choose to sew patches to let everyone know how awesome quilts and/or sewing is. Regardless of the personal touches, the finished quilt is a shining testament to group effort and synced menstrual cycles.

In essence, it’s like a potluck dinner but way more depressing.

But where did the quilting bee come from, and perhaps more importantly, how did it influence which is appropriate at a bee today?

Like everything cool, it originated in the Wild West. As was common at the time, cowboys would ride from town to town herding women into small cages. Because these cowboys were not sick fucks, they would periodically grant all the women temporary freedom from their cages. The women’s behavior that took place in these rare hours freed their steel prisons closely resembles the modern day quilting bee. Granted, they really didn’t make quilts as much as they just cried a whole lot, but still, the resemblance is uncanny.

If you find yourself at a quilting bee, remember the following tips:

Don’t talk smack about quilting, quilts, or quilt-related topics.
You know how in Europe there’s like gangs of soccer hooligans that beat the life out of each other for bad mouthing soccer teams? Yeah. That, but worse.

Bring your own materials to the bee.
All quilting bees operate under a strict BYOQS (Bring Your Own Quilting Shit) policy. Although failure to adhere to it will not result in anything catastrophic, you can rest assured that the ladies will have some mean things to say about you behind your back when you get up to go to the bathroom.

Dress appropriately.
You will be on the ground for most of the duration of the bee, so dress comfortably. Wearing uncomfortable clothing can cause fatigue and if you fall asleep at a quilting bee, you are fair game to have dicks drawn all over your face.