Nonetheless, I wanted to get into the spirit of things. If tabloids are any reflection on us as a culture (and they certainly are, along with bullfighting and handjerkerhelper.com), we have an infatuation with celebrity life. Combined with the end of October’s infatuation with the spooky (a word that rode the short bus if there ever was one), I have been recently motivated to borrow a large sum of money from my associate, Leon Firestone, and travel to Hollywood and discover the following shocking facts about our betters:
- If you gaze into Zoe Deschanel’s eyes for an extended period of time she tells you how you're ancestors died!If you ask her to stop, she merely continues at a higher volume!
- Cuban Gooding Jr. targets and slays curvacious baristas and keeps their bodies in a Smart Car at an indeterminate location!
- Jeffery Katzenberg, CEO of DreamWorks animation, had a son that died at space camp. This is why the DreamWorks logo depicts a ghost boy haunting the moon! Why he is fishing is unknown.
Perhaps he is fishing for the life that never came to fruition?- Steven Spielberg has a horrible secret and it is as follows: his love is real. But he is not.
- Christopher Lloyd has a little known record of starting fires in high rises and waiting at the bottom of fire escapes with mouth agape, trapping his victims not unlike a Venus flytrap!
- Halle Berry is a frequent rider of public transportation despite owning countless sports cars because she likes being reconized on the bus!
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