Writing Workshop: The Cover Art for Your Novel

Welcome to the second installment of Writer’s Workshop. Since it’s the second installment, and the first one was pretty all encompassing, it’s safe to assume your writing projects are completed. Which leaves you at the most crucial of steps: deciding on cover art for your novel. Didn’t write a novel, you say? Fuck off, I say.

A leisurely trip around a bookstore/library/study of a giant haunted mansion will assault your synapses with a wide variety of novel cover art. However, instead of showing you the ins and outs of popular styles that grace the shelves, I have opted instead to make a personality test that will match you to the cover art that best reflects both your person and your work.

For the following questions, choose true or false.

1. __ My novel is not grounded in a reality resembling our own.
2. __ When I explain my novel to people, their first response is something along the lines of “Oh, so like Blade Runner?”
3. __ I hate it when people are late.
4. __ Cell phones have ruined the way humans communicate and the way we play Bejeweled.
5. __When standing idly I involuntarily play an invisible clarinet.
6. __ Odd numbers make me uncomfortable.
7. __ This sentence has five words.
8. __Every manatee-boat collision is a victory for man.
9. __ I am a team player.
10. __ I don’t know what Motown is.


Okay, tally up the number of questions you’ve chosen true. For every true, award yourself one point and refer to the following scale to see what kind of cover art you should employ for your novel.

1-3 points: Leather bound with fancy gold lettering.

4-6 points: Pop art


7-9 points: Intellectual photo of yourself

10 points: Really ambiguous fantasy picture