Geology Infrogram Presents Famous Stalagmites In History: Olmec

Earlier this week, we took a look at the key differences between stalactites and stalagmites. This week however, I would like to put one particular stalagmite under the spotlight and take a look at his life story.

Jeffery Timothy was one of the biggest television icons the 90’s every produced; unfortunately, no one knows Jeffery Timothy by his real name only his stage name of “Olmec,” the host of Nickelodeon’s Legends of the Hidden Temple.

If the name Olmec doesn't ring a bell, Jeffery Timothy was also known to respond to "Giant fucking talking douchebag statue."

On August 29, 1965, in Little Rock, Arkansas, Jeffery Timothy was born. His mother, a wet nurse by occupation and a frugal consumer by nature, delivered her own son much to the dismay of her husband, John Timothy, a former marine.

Timothy had a normal enough childhood; his first word was “incorrect,” effectively preparing him for a career in hosting Aztec-themed game shows. An only child, Timothy’s parents showered him with love and affection but were careful not to spoil him.

Spoiled or not, nothing could have prepared Timothy for his tragic 17th birthday. In addition to not getting his own car like he had hoped, his mother was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Upset about the car and mildly concerned about his mother, Timothy entered an extremely spiritual state and sought isolation in the Rocky Mountains.

Fueled by rumors of wish granting cave devils, Timothy became consumed by his desire to own his very own automobile, and maybe cure his mother of her dooming ailment if it happened to come up. After an agonizing twenty minutes, Timothy found the cave demon and after twenty-five minutes, failed to solve the devil’s wish granting riddle and was stripped of his human form and cursed with the form of stalagmite.

In his new stone form, Timothy became incredibly lonely. After roughly a decade in solitude, he began to convince cave rats to form tribes and do battle with one another. What started as two tribes of rats, which he named the Red Jaguars and the Blue Barracudas, eventually expanded to six tribes, adding the clans of the Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, Purple Parrots, and Silver Snakes to the mix.

In 1992, Marc Summers, on an academic excursion to better understand cave rat culture, happened about Timothy Summers and immediately saw television stardom.

Did you know... Marc Summers is the physical manifestation of the American dream?

Timothy was excavated from his rocky prison and placed in a studio in Universal Studios from 1993 to 1995 and began referring to the handle “Olmec.”

Today, Olmec’ whereabouts are unknown, effectively baffling scholars across the nation just as how you can loose track of a giant fucking talking statue.

Did you know... that today, Olmec could be in any state in the USA except for the purple ones?

Also, Timothy's mother is totally dead.