Public Outcry: Space Mountain deaths

The Google Query: "Space Mountain" deaths

Our Interpretation: How many deaths have been claimed by the lovable Disneyland ride Space Mountain?

Our Answer: 26 people have been killed by the ginormous, rocky hands of Space Mountain since it was created to fool Walt Disney into thinking he actually traveled into space. Names have been withheld to show compassion to those who have lost loved ones in one of the happiest landform/outer-space rides in America. We will only be looking at by-the-number statistics.

2 of the deaths were the result of pre-existing health issues. While one person had a bum ticker and had a heart attack on the ride, the other person exploded because of the over-abundance of fun he was having, despite knowing that his body could not possible contain all of that excitement.

4 of the deaths were due to not following the directions as seen on the plentiful television screens while waiting in line, and as heard on the loud speaker every five minutes. These accidents often ended in decapitation, seizures, impalings, musical suicide, and hysterical pregnancy.

5 of the deaths were actually only assisted by Space Mountain, as a drunk Dick Dale did most of the damage. After recording his renown surf music for Space Mountain, he became an assistant on the ride, getting people to follow the line and helping people into their seats. He did this for a month until he heard a kid getting off the ride bad mouth the surf music that played throughout Space Mountain. Dale, with his spirits crushed, spent the night drinking heavily and publicly urinating on various rides at Disneyland (The Teacups were his favorite.) The next day at work, he threw a FedEx truck at a family of tourists. He was fired four days later.

4 of the first riders of Space Mountain died of asphyxiation . When it originally opened, the imagineers tried to make it as much like space as humanly possible, but had one small oversight: People need oxygen, and space does not have oxygen. In order to combat this, they set it to music. This failed, and Space Mountain was closed for another three weeks.

3 of the deaths are from diabetes

8 of the deaths were actual caused just by thinking of going to space mountain. Scientists have found that just saying the phrase "Space Mountain" will cause a very small fraction of people to burst small blood vessels in their brain. This has been explained with the fact that in the afterlife, Walt Disney has realized he was never in space at all, and has hexxed the phrase "Space Mountain" in order to slowly inform people that it will not actually launch you into space. Disney, the company not the dead guy, is fully aware of this problem, but they refuse to cave into Disney's commands, the dead guy not the company, of putting a disclaimer in the entrance of the ride, stating that it does not actually blast you into space.