Which Erectile Dysfunction solution is right for me?

Picking out medication for your erectile dysfunction is a lot like picking out a fancy sports car during your mid-life crisis: you have to find just the right one that communicates just the right message. After all, a raging erection and a Ferrari both say “Hey, check this shit out.” Coincidentally, ED (medical shorthand for Erectile Dysfunction) usually happens around the time of a mid-life crisis. As if suicide didn’t already look appealing, BT (medical shorthand for Boner Trouble) adds another level of frustration.

So gentlemen, you’ve been wondering which medication is right for you. Hell, the following information will make a handy buying guide for the ladies who are shopping for their man with WW (medical shorthand for Woody Worries).

Levitra
A fine choice for the festive man. Not only does it allow you perform but extended use allows a man to ejaculate confetti. Now I don’t want to make any claims I can’t back up, but I think we can all agree Levitra has potential to make you the life of any New Years party. Imagine yourself hunched over in the living room as your friends and loved ones cheer you as they count down the seconds to the New Year. Need I say more?

Cialis
It gives you a boner, which is pretty much the point. There’s also guy with a sombrero on the box cover and he looks like he’s enjoying himself. Take a page out of his book: smile! People with weird aversions to taking medication that depecits typical Mexican headwear should look elsewhere.

Getting your dick bit by a rattlesnake
Not as dangerous as you’d think. And it’s not like you’d be sticking your dick by a rattlesnake without anti-venom. The size increase is not only substantial, a purple hue is not uncommon. Perfect for the man with DP (medical shorthand for Dick Problems) who also wants to show his woman that he is not to be fucked with. After seeing a rattlesnake strike viciously on the naughty bits of her lover, she’ll think twice about dumping you.

Viagra
Absolutely great for putting in Pez dispensers and handing out to kids on playground.

Rejoyn’s Vacuum Therapy System
It’s a penis vacuum, okay? I don’t why it works, but it does. Although pretty expensive ($159 for the manual model and $189 for the automatic) it’s an alternative that doesn’t involve actual medicine, which makes it great for Christian Scientists. However, it can lead to PFCIVS (medical shorthand for Penis Fucking Caught In a Vacuum Syndrome).