Where did Reaganomics come from?

Ronald Reagan, often heralded by conservatives as one of the most shining examples of the Republican Party, is, as you might expect, responsible for the economic policies aptly titled “Reaganomics.” Reagan himself did not like the term “Reaganomics” and would have preferred to go with his original choice of “operation ass-kick.” The name was later changed when Secretary of State Alexander Haig showed Reagan the clause in the constitution that stated “It is an unjust use of the executive privilege to make policies that have the word 'ass' in the title.”

Many do not realize that the inspiration for Reaganomics did not come from economic theory. The trickle-down theory, a defining characteristic of Reaganomics, which operates under the assumption that upper class spending will later benefit the lower income classes, was actually forged one gloomy July day in 1979. On this day, Reagan woke up from a reoccurring nightmare where he dreamt he attended the first day of school naked and everyone was consequently eaten by wolves because of his nakedness. His wife, seeing him visibly shaken, gave him a hug before he left the house.

Nancy Reagan had no idea what she had just unleashed.

Reagan felt his mood so improved by the simple gesture, he felt he should share the wealth. In a hug-frenzy, he began to embrace random people on the street. These people, instead of screaming or socking Reagan in his creepy leathery face, were immediately afflicted with a similar need to hug people. Happiness spread like wildfire and for one moment, albeit fleeting, everyone in America was simultaneously happy as a result of this Pay it Forward-esq lovefest. Today, that day is commemorated when we celebrate Bastille Day or Talk-Like-A-Pirate day or one of those gay-ass holidays.

When Reagan took office, he was faced with high levels of inflation and an equally high unemployment rate. This is when Reagan realized money works in the same way hugs do.

Except in this case, the wealthy have all the hugs.

And they would have to do a lot of hugging to make a difference.

And the hugs would take an extremely long time to show any positive effects.

So long in fact, many would argue that the trickle-down theory has never worked, nor will it ever work.

And you can’t buy prostitutes with hugs.