D.I.Y Time: How do I make a Ventriloquist dummy?

Despite what your standard audience member might think, injecting majestic artistry into ventriloquist dummies is a time-consuming endeavor that will act as a laugh-enhancer to the already inherently-hysterical act of ventriloquism.

For the uninitiated, the word "ventriloquist" has Latin roots, and means "Belly Speaker." Of course, this was back in the day where evolution kept our brains in our stomach, which at the time had their own set of eyes, a fully functional mouth, and little feelers so they could gesture with ease. With time, the brain migrated towards the top of the body, and the term has been used to describe errant voices from unexplained sources.

How far we've come...

As an avid fan of ventriloquist theatre, I have observed hundreds of acts from the dimly lit tables, and the culmination of my observations have lead me to the following conclusion: The art of ventriloquism dates back to the good ol' stomach-brain days, where someone makes a dummy that resembles a person, then shove a entire human in their stomach to create what they in the business call a 'Reverse Pinocchio.'

Now, many people want to know the secret to being a good ventriloquist, and the best answer I can give you is to have a respectable human stuffed into the stomach of your dummy. That and practice. But practice cannot, and will not, happen unless you have a fully operational dummy. And to have a dummy you need a human small enough to fit inside. This is what they in the business call 'The Dummy-Makers Burden.'

Did you know... that the puppet is in charge of tying it's own bow-tie? AND HE ALWAYS GETS IT RIGHT?

Your options, assuming you have a volunteer:

Get a Shrink Ray ?
They still make these, right? They might have been pulled from the market, but I think I'm just getting confused with candy cigarettes.

Electrodes?
Scientists are always attaching electrodes to animals and their brains to control them. Why can't they do this so that a human can shrink and fit into a wooden dummy comfortable, and talk in a comically high-pitched voice? I know why they do not try. It is because your destiny demands it of you. March on, you brave Ventriencetist.

If these options do not seem plausible, I guess we should just accept ventriloquists as the wizards they are and surrender powers of the state to them to better serve our country with their magical shrinking powers.