How do I fight a mountain lion?

To use a timely example, let's say that you are at a job interview, and everything is going swell. That is, until you realize that your job interviewer is actually a mountain lion who has affixed his jaw to your jugular. Now all etiquette and strategies previously learned for job interviewing should be discarded, and your new skill set should largely focus on dealing with the mountain lion.

Intimidation

Whether you are wearing a button down or heeded our advice and wore a tuxedo shirt with it's arms ripped off, rip your shirt open and hold out the sides of your shirt to make yourself appear bigger. It is in this stance where you both intimidate the mountain lion, and also put yourself in prime bear-hug position. This strategy always works in the childhood game "bear, mountain lion, manatee," and I don't think I need to tell you that bear ALWAYS beats mountain lion.

Humiliation
Do you like telling jokes? Do you like having your face eaten? Even if you are not the funniest guy in the room, this interest inventory should help you prioritize what you want to happen in this situation. Since mountain lions are inherently very self-conscience, you can use snappy insults hurt your interviewer and achieve the upper-hand. "Your momma" jokes are super effective, largely because lions are far and away from pop culture, and all the very old jokes are new to them.

Did you know... that Sinbad got his start in stand-up by nearly getting mauled by a mountain lion?

Last Resort
Punch him in the balls very hard. If in the rare instance that the job interviewing mountain lion is a girl, improvise.

Gentleman's Boxing
If you must engage in fisticuffs, remember that mountain lions will most likely start by throwing a quick jab at you. For starters I recommend you just dodge the jab and counter with one high punch. After about twenty seconds, they screech to the sky and switch to hooks and uppercuts. At 2:00 of the round they will spin their tail around counter clockwise and charge down at you and release a gigantic face-eating blow that will knock you down. You can dodge the Cat Attack special, but he will just keep using it over and over again. You have to connect with a low jab with a star punch to bring them down. If you have any problems, you can use the code 777 807 3454 to move onto the world circuit, or you can join the Nintendo fan club.