How do I pick locks?

Much like parachuting out of a helicopter while wearing a tuxedo, lock picking is a great way to impress women. It’s also a great to make some spending money, since people like keep all kinds of stuff worth stealing locked away. As a rule, the bigger the lock, the better the loot it’s protecting. The exception to this rule would be if you’re breaking into a dwarf’s house. They have smaller hands so their locks are proptionally smaller but don’t let this fool you; Dwarves can have some pretty nice shit so don’t hesitate to steal from them. (When I say dwarves I mean little people, not Tolkien dwarves. If you manage to get the chance to steal form Tolkien dwarves, you should definitely go for it.)

Anyway, not all locks are picked the same way, so the tactics vary. Here are some of the more common ones:

Deadbolt Locks
Arguably the most straightforward lock to pick. Simply equip your lock pick and stab near the lock area while twisting your wrist violently. At this point, you should inexplicably see this:
All you have to do is use the pick to navigate pass the tumblers in the door. Warning: The tumblers can break your lock pick! Having a high dexterity rating and a high security skill greatly decreases the chances of breaking your pick. The difficulty of the lock is also displayed, so there is no excuse for biting off more than you can chew.

Combination Locks
Picking these isn’t really a matter of skill as it is of patience. You’re run of the mill combo lock combination consists of three numbers from zero to forty. Basically, all you have to do is keep at it until you figure it out and the laws of chance are on your side when you think about it. There’s only forty numbers and you only have to guess three of them in the right order. Also, wearing a stethoscope while you try to guess the combination also increases your chances of finding the combo sooner.

Child Safety Locks
Aptly titled because only a child can unlock them. A common misconception is you need a whole child to open the lock. Not true. A severed toddler index finger will easily pop open any child safety lock.

The Human Heart
When a girl talks about the key to her heart, she’s speaking literally. Although she might not give you the key, you’ll find a surgical saw and a bunch of rubber hosing to be more than an effective lock pick should the situation arise. And let me tell you, it will. It's a part of growing up.