As men, we fear only three things: confrontation, being accountable for mistakes, and vagina. This makes the high school prom a conglomeration of our primal fears, yet something of a rite of passage for young men. There are many things that can go wrong in the planning phases. In fact, way too many things. What if, by asking out one girl, you piss off another, more attractive girl? What if prom with this girl is no fun because no one else likes her? What if the suit you picked out doesn't match her stupid bitch ass dress?
If only there was a way to shift all possible blame onto someone else if the first night of the rest of your lives goes to shit...
AND THERE IS!
Picking out your girl
In order for this love-heist to work, you need to pick a girl who A.) hasn't gotten asked yet, and B.) who you can convince to really like you. Stay within neighboring cliques, but don't go for the teen-movie "She's All That" scenario of going after a chick with glasses and a ponytail. She doesn't have the self-confidence, anyhow. You need a strong woman who will take initiative, and as I relearn every Thursday night in the dungeon, strong women with initiative are the best.
Dropping the hints
If a girl were to hint that you should ask her out, she would leisurely drop hints about how she does not have a prom date and how she just does not know what to do. You have to do this, but instead of coming off helpless, be a complete dick. What you say to her should be along the lines of "Yea, I want to go to prom, but I'm just trying to narrow it down to one of your friends." or "I want to go to prom, but I don't want to settle for a hambeast." By showing confidence and standards, she knows you are a man of conviction, which they like or something.
Sabotage
Now, if you really like this girl, you will no doubt want to destroy the chances of anyone else tasting her delicious fruits. Since she might have other suitors, make sure they know they are your bitch. Set their shit straight like Watergate through a combination of violence and intimidation, which I like to call "Viole-dation." Send warnings, break fingers, whatever you need to do to tell the suitors that this girl is the passive-aggressive world to you.
Final Desperation
After all of her possible suitors get systematically taken out, she will begin to think that maybe everyone that would possibly ask her to prom is in the hospital. She is right. Tell her this, and then respond truthfully when she asks if you have a date yet. Observe how it all falls into place, and how much genius you must posses.
While it may be sociopathic, you cannot argue with the results. She's happy because she has a date, and you're happy because you are now on your way to the rest of your life.
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